Friday, December 05, 2003

i'm gonna touch on past lives again. sometimes i wonder if they are true or not. my mother? let me tell you about my mother, Boom (lol a line one one of my favorite movies). anyway my mother was a staunch catholic, as was her parents and their parents before them. however, despite this upbringing she believed in ghosts, voodoo, and past lives. how i don't know, all three were disreguarded as pagan in the church. so maybe that is where i got my curiosity from.

once when i was a child i remember crying out to my mother in the night. i had to go pee, but i was too afraid of the dark to get out of bed, but too afraid of embarressment to pee in my bed, so i cried out in the night. soon my mother appeared at my door. her silken robe blowing in the breeze. she said what is wrong my child? i told her, and she said hurry. we didn't have night lights when i was a child, but i distincly remember i soft blue glow in the room and the hall. now here is the freaky part. there was a path from my bed to the bathroom compised of small aniamals; puppies, kittens, squirrels, bunnys, birds and more. when i woke the next day i asked my mother about it. she told me she didn't get out of bed all night. my guardian angel perhaps? a ghost? i asked my mother again sometime later in life, my early teens i think. this time i was able to describe in greater detail what happened that night. she told me with a wonderful expression that she thought in was the Virgin Mary, because she prayed at night for her to watch over me.

so past lives. i have often wondered, was i a soldier? it might explain my yearning for comabt. it might explain my level headedness in difficult situations. it might explain my tendencies to take contol. or not. or it might come from watching the movie Patton too many times. sometimes i think i may have been a common man. a metal worker through the ages perhaps? if you imagine hard enough, you can imagine yourself doing just about anything.
i wonder if my life is a dream. i wonder if the summers in europe were a dream. did i really march on the the arc de' triumph that hot day in july? march to the top and stand victoriously overlooking paris? did i really dance in the streets of amsterdam, ride the trians in frankfurt drunk, holding onto a pretty german girl for fear i would lose her forever if i let go? what about that night on the metro? were there german soldiers sleping next to me? did i really see a cowboy puppet show?
this is making me think of past lives. can you really re-write your own history? history is always recored by the victors. can i be victorious over my own life?

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

well tonight i have a date with my sweetie. but as usaul i may be trying to sabotage myself. it seems i have developed a bit of chest congestion. aside from that i have no idea what to do. if this was a date with a stranger i would suggest going to the bar and having a few drinks. however the place i would suggest is a place that is frequented by both my sweetie and myself on a regular basis. and i would imagine it might be no different than any other night of just hanging out. i would like to have a creative nice eveing, but all i want to do right now is take a nap.
on a side note, makes me think of something. the difference between hanging out and a date. what exactly is the difference? you wanna go out? ok. is that a date or just hanging out?

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

things are getting better. i have knuckled down and begun finding solutions to problems. i have made conscience effort to clean, and keep clean the places i have begun on.
aside from that , i got a new truck on friday, an 84 GMC.
and on sunday i bought a 72 triumph in fair condition. Queenie is convinced it's her bike. but only time will tell. i have to get the thing running first.
more updates later as things progress.

Monday, November 17, 2003

i'm tired. but i'm doing ok.
i'm tired of having a disgusting house, cluttered with all my crap.
i'm tired of not having a nice house.
i'm tired of having a house guest.
i'm tired of not having any privacy
i'm tired of not having any more money than enough to pay the bills
i'm tired of not having a motorcycle.
i'm tired of bing poor and not being able to afford to spend the money to change the things in my life that i want to, i want to enjoy the money i make and not just spend it on bills.
i'm tired of being tired, being a whiney ass bitch.
i'm tired of complaining and not solving. i was once told in the military that if i didn't not have an actual doable solution then i should not complain.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

well it's been a long week to say the least.
last week this time i was standing over my friend in the ER, he spun out in some water and struck a light pole breaking his right femur. 38 hrs later i came home and took a nap, only to get up and go back to the hospital......he was released on friday. he's doing fine

I'm tired
i'll post more some other day

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Monday, October 13, 2003

not much going on these days. still fighting tooth and nail to get the triumph done with no money. did get a new tattoo this weekend though. i kinda feel bad. that was money i had earmarked for my new truck, a 1941 dodge, and it was money that could have been used for bike parts. but then again i am always envigorated by a new tattoo, so i think it was money well spent. cides, i got a pretty deep discount.

Friday, October 03, 2003

i've got alot of things in my mind today, just don't know where or how to start. well for starters i'm more sick (physically, i don't think i'm capable of becoming more sick mentally, but i shouldn't speak so soon, i could always blow a gasket and completly lose my mind) than i have been in quite some time, i even missed a day of work. which is quite a bummer. thursdays are genarlly good happy hours and i make a few more dollars than normal. and well august and september just plain sucked and i need the money. oh well i guess i'll get by like i always do.
i've been giving more and more thoughts to going back to work, but damn i sure do enjoy my life right now. the only problem is that me and queenie are on oppisite schedules and hardly get to see each other, and when we do one or the other is often sleeping. we never talk anymore and when we do it's usually me in a drunken stupor attmping to sort my thoughts out thru a haze of whisky and jager. i know it's wrong to initiate such converations drunk, but i'm still very self-conscience and still have a hard time revealing my true emotions. i guess the only redeeming valaue is i know that i want to discuss things, i want to have an open honest relationship, and i don't want to have to hide anything. oh well.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

it seem as more oftn than not, i have several ideas and things to say hear, but when i finally get to a computer, tpsst all gone.

Saturday, September 13, 2003

i have been reflecting on my liffe with Johnny Cash yesterday and today, and here is a small snipit of my thoughts. i can give credit for the man helping me be the man i am today. the very first memory i have of Johnny is "one Peice at a time" it was a favorite of mine as a child and still one of my favorites today. upon further reflection i realized that might be that reason for my passion for building motorcyles and cars......"i built it once peice at a time and it didn't cost me a dime, you'll know it's me when i come thru your town......."
the second one is you have to stand up for what you believe in and what you know is right.

Friday, September 12, 2003



Johnny Cash 1932-2003
i don't know what to say. never before has a celebrity death had such a profound impact on me. always before i would just say in response to a celebrity death, " bummer" and reflect on what that person contributed to our lives thruogh their work. when i woke this morning i heard the news and was immediatly saddened. i began reflecting on his career and his music. and i feel like i have lost a distant relative. i know little about the man in black, but i know his music and i know how it has affected me. i sit hear at my computer and i can remeber places and people whom i shared my life with, all with Johnny playing soulfully in the background. i remeber my friend John leaving on a journey home, us standing in the back yard drunk, arm in arm, holding each other up crying singing along to Cash's "highway patrolman"............
"........yeah, me and frankie laughing drinking, nothing feels better than blood on blood. taking turns danncing with maria, while the band played the night of the johnstown flood, i catch him when he's straying, like any brother should, a mans turns is back on his family, he ain't no good"
it times like that, the bittersweet memories, the good and the bad, that his words and voice triggers. his voice has been an intregal part of my life from the time i was a child, he has always been there, always in the background of my life. saying things i could not find words for.

i heard again the other day that all that matters is the dash between the two dates. and in this case that dash was 71 years. i'm at a loss for words today. he lived life hard and fast, found God and contiued to live more than before.
he was a the man the myth and the legend. woven so tightly into the fabric of america.
Godspeed Johnny, Godspeed. can you hear that train a'coming now? you've been released from the prison of life and your on the train home.

Saturday, August 30, 2003

blah,blah........nothing new really. Going to the car show today. sometimes i wonder if i'm going because i'm a scenester, or is it to see the cars? i know i like the cars, and i enjoy seeing acquaintances and friends. so i don't know. i hope to have a good time despite my shortcomings, that is neither having a car or a bike. oh well we'll see what happens. happy day to all.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

well it looks like i'm gonna build both at the same time. however it seems that the triumph is alot closer to completion than i thought it was. i was making a metal check list of items i have and items i need, and it looks like i have more triumph parts than i have chopper parts. so you figure it out

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

well i did alot of thinking this weekend and i think i have come to conclusion that i need to build my chopper instead of the bonnie. i love my bonnie, just not in peices it's in right now. but here was the thought process.
i have everything i need to build the bonnie except bearing and gaskets.
i have almost everything i need for a chopper except som engine parts.
so really it's toss up on which one to build
i was really headed towards the bonnie, and realy excited about it too. but then i went to 7-11 to pick up the new cycle world or some sort of motorcycle mag just to have something to read, maybe educate myself on the new bikes out. well the new issue of the horse is out, so i bought it with out even loking at what was inside. i know it's gonna be good. well that set the wheels in motion again.
so i like hot rods, not a secret if you know me. so i asked myself, if i was going to build a car, would i build a sports car or a hotrod, well i would build a hotrod of course.
now the bonnie would be/will be closer to being a two wheeled equivalent to a sportscar and a chopper is more of a hotrod. soooooooo. back to the chopper project.
it think this may just be an attempt on my part to sabotage myself and keep anything from getting off the ground.
i often wonder if i had someone who could motivate me more than i can myself if i'd have somethign running.
last chopper build i completed was because my friend Dean came over nearly everyday, called on the days he couldn't come over and kicked my ass till it was done. he also had help from some of our other friends.
i dunno. i just wish i could find some motivation. it's either too hot, too cold or too nice to be out in the shop working on a bike. but oddly enough when i do finally get out and get to work i get so wrapped up in what i'm doing it just go and go till i run out of parts.
Oh well!
i'm hot and i'm tired of being hot. it's getting to the point of the year where i'm thinking of renting a truck, loading up and driving north till i hit snow. my A/C is not keeping up today. i think it's cooler ourtside than inside. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH
i just want to be cold. screw compfortable i want to shiver, and chatter my teeth, i want to be cold, i want to go get a blanket, and be "not feel my fingers" cold.

I'm going nuts today
i think i'll clear frig out and go sit in it!

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

well i'm working on the bike again. i really want to have a new bike that i don't have to work on constantly. however i do get some simple satifaction in the work itself, and i know i'll owe next to nothing when i'm done. but i really do want a new bike, i just don't know if i can or want to afford the payments right now. oh well i'll let ya'll know. speakingof knowing, let me know what going on with ya'll who read this.

Saturday, August 02, 2003

Not much going on this week. still trying to finish the couch, i have one cushion, the back and the front/bottom to go.
i haven't worked at the boom room since opening weekend, however they say they still want me to work, they just don't know when they'll have work for me.
went bike shopping thursday, didn't find anything i liked.
blah.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

So once again feel as my life is too cluttered. i feel like i own too much stuff, and i decided that my house is not too small for all my stuff, my stuff is too big for my house. my current goal is to be able to pack everything in the back of a 20foot moving van. not that i'm planning on moving anytime soon, but i may need to one day. Late last night i begun. i chose a huge pile of clothes to be given away. i'd like to see my friends get them, so i'll maybe publish a list here soon. and i filled a black contractor bag with TRASH. When will i ever have a need for a torn half-shirt with my Highschool Football teams logo, so out it goes with the bits of scraps of paper. A reicept for photos i paid for TEN years ago? Gone!
Whcih brings me to this. so i'm sitting here trying to figure out if The spin doctors" Pockect full of Cryptonite" is worth of draggin me into clutter hell. i'm mean i bought it once? but do i need to keep it?

Thursday, July 24, 2003

so i had the strangest dream just now. i was in the home i grew up in, but my mother woke me up mowing the yard. and my grandfather was in the hospital. the strange part is that my mother died 7 yrs before my grandfather.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

found this old couch on the side of the road one day. i thought i was a really great couch, the deserved a new life in my home, instead of being sent to the dump. at the time, i was newly divorced, low on cash and short on funiture sooo, we loaded it up. after getting it home it didn't look as good as it did beside the road so it sat in the corner of the living room coverd by a sheet until i could find a fabric to recover it with.


said couch, not much differnt than the day i found it.

well last night i decided that the time was right, my current couch (a hand me down from a co-worker) was just too damn uncomfortable, so i ripped the cover off the old one and decided the tonight was the night[tonights the night we make history....]


so off to Wal-mart we go in the middle of the night, in search of suitable fabric. we found a whole bolt of nice plum/eggplant brushed twill. soft and fluffy. and the jouney began.

i'm about half way thru, still need to do the sides and back, but i wanted to share.




Sorry bout the quality of the last pic, but i had to bump up the contrast for the purple to show thru

Friday, July 18, 2003

so yesterday i was standing at the ice well making a vodka and cranberry. and for some reason i had a memory of the road. the memory i had was being at a shell station outside of Seattle somewhere in the mountains. we filled the truck up with gas and our stomaches with tacos. one of which found its way under the truck seat until monday(5days). whoops. anyhow it was a bright sunny day, i think there might have been some high clouds but not many. the trees were tall and green. and there were some rock n roll hippies. i have no other way to describe them. people who from a distance look like hippies; worn baggy clothes, long hair, and shabby shoes, but on closer inspection reveal themselves to be metal heads;a Dio baseball shirt or metallica tee, wallet chains and corduroy pants, and old nike shoes. on a side note, i wish that the chain-driven wallet had not gained so much popularity. i liked it when people looked at me with fear and disgust just because i wore a chain on my wallet. now every one from weekend bikers to 14 year old korn fans wear them. however, i'm a goober and if my wallet is not attached to my body then i would set it down somewhere and forget where i put it. also the reason that i have a hook on my keys. i haven't lost my keys since i put my them on the hook about 10 years ago. now that i'm saying this i'm probably gonna lose them.
so anyway back to the point, it was a nice memory to have yesterday. thinking of that warm fall day. me and my girl. on the road to seattle and self discovery. i just wonder what it was that triggered the memory..........
not much going on these days. been working alot. got to see my brother on tuesday and for breafast wed morn, on his way back from kuwait on his way to DC to work at the the big building. slept all day on wedsday.

Friday, July 11, 2003

well iguess i waited too long to finish my tour. it's mostly gone. however, imagine rich painted walls and deep glossy dark harwood floors. comfortable furnishings and lots of stone and tile. i have often loved the look of blue stone and slate. i would like to have a bathrooom that had alot of grey slate and and limstone with glass tiles. that doesn't seem to mix well so i think i may have to have two bathrooms OR just work real hard to gethte design to flow well.

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

MY HOUSE
so for years i have been trying to imagine what my dream house would be. i have dismissed the expansive masions in part because; i hate cleaning, i'm lazy and don't like walking up or down stairs,elevators no matter the novelty of having one in your home, are slow, and finally i'm a pakrat. i would just end up being lost in my own home buried under piles of papers, motorcycles and empty whisky bottles. so i have determined i would most likely be the most happy in a small bunaglow, someting in the neighbor hood of 1200 to 1800 Square feet. 3 maybe 4 bedrooms with 2 bathrooms a nice living room and a den. i had den in my house growing up and i miss be able to reast comfartably in the back of the house. i might like to have an office but it's not entirely nessecary. i could convert one of the extra rooms into an office/studio. now comes the important part, i really need two garges. One would be for my daily driving needs. it would be large enough to accomidate two vehicles, a couple of motorcycles and lawn maintence equipment. sure i would love to have the money to pay someone to mow my lawn but this is a dream i want to attain, and right now taking care of the yard myself is resonable.
the second garage would be my workshop. my ultimate dream is to have about a 10 car garage. maybe 2000-3000SqFt or more with a lift and a paint booth. but as much as i would enoy a shop as large or larger than the house i could get by on something smaller. maybe 900-1000 SqFT? it needs to big enough to house several motorcycle projects, a car project and assorted mechical parts. in addition to this it would be large enough to store all related equipment to build, fabricate and maintain the aformentioned projects and vehicles. and while i'm dreaming, i'd like to have a full bath in the shop complete with shower. maybe even a kitchette area.
ok lets see if i can take you on a short tour of the property.
as you pulled up to the house you would not notice much from the street but a small unassuming structure of dark green surrounded by plants and trees in purple, green and grey with touches of red, blue and yellow sprinkled throughout, seemingly melting into the yard. the yard is small in the front with lots of plantings and an even smaller patch of lush green thin bladed burmudia grass. grass not much different than you might see planted at the entrance of a commerical complex. as you pulled onto the cobblestone drive you'd see the house. the grey/green flagstone walkway flanked by low knee high shrubs inviting you to the front door. walking the path you find little surprises in the shrubs. little square copper and glass lamps to direct to you the door at night, in the daylight would give soft reflection of the plants around them. short squat japanese boxwoods, spiraling yoppaun hollies, fluffy nandinas with their mutli colored leaves in varying hues. all held together by an assortment of wild flowers.
you would step up two steps to the porch thru stone colums of limstone stacked to look if you leaned on them too hard it would fall over, marking not only the rise to the door but firmly anchoring the corners of the house to the earth. the porch is inviting and wraps around the house on both sides. a few comfortble furnishings are arranged in a small sitting area to the left. covered in cloth matching the lushness of the lawn. arriving at the massive wood door you can almost see into the house by looking in the floor to ceiling foot wide windows on either side, if they were not draped in light pleated chaffon cutains. you grasp the heavy door by an equally impressive silver handle, contrasting with the rich darkwood, a handle that lets you know what you are about to open is special, something to cherish. if the door is locked, just look in one of the potted plants blurring the distinction between house, porch and lawn. walking in and closing the door behind you you admire the way the door closes with authority. giving you peice of mind, and letting you know you are safe from the world. you are home.
what do you want to see next? you need to use the restroom? or are you thirsty by chance? can i get you someting to drink? eat? tell you what. you go bathroom while i grab us a couple of drinks, it just down the hall there, you can't miss it.

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

so i never got around to giving my feet anythought other than, damn they hurt. i spent some where in the neighborhood of 14-15 hours at the bar thruday night. my feet hurt and i wanted a shower. i also got sunburned thrusday and now i'm peeling. grrr.

Thursday, July 03, 2003

just a real quick post today. i was washing my hands and noticing that my feet hurt. since i have started working in the bar biz i have noticed that i don't really get much time off. i was thinking it would be nice to go to the beach walk around in the sand and put my feet in the ocean. now for me this is pretty odd. when i was a child you couldn't get me outa of the water, but the older i get the less and less time i spend being submerged. now i have heard the phrase before from other people that they need to go put their feet in the ocean and get grounded. i for one have never felt this way. but for some reason this morning that thought went thru my head, and for the life of me i can't seem to know why i would say such a thing. it's sucha suz thing to say. hmmmmm, however i do remember i enjoyed going to myrtle beach and walking around inthe sand all day. when i got home all my calloses would be gone and my feet felt renewed and rejunvinated, but when i went to cabo, even though i felt rejuvinated as a whole my feet still were my same old feet. i'll think of this today and see what i come up with.

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

well i decided to not go straight home last night and well my luck ran out. after i stopped at the gas station, i decided to jumperwire my headlights and swing by the wreck. well apparntly i hooked up the highbeam instead of the lows. i couldn't find a safe place to pull over on the freeway to change it, so i figured i would just fix it once i got to the wreck. well i guess an officers attention was attracted by my bright lights and pulled me over to see where i was going. another damn expired inpection ticket. oh well. some good news/bad news. bad news is my warrants are still showing up on registration, good news is i didn't go to jail. the officer decided to check the court records which show that they have been taken care of. whew!

i don't have anything to write today. that's not true. i have plenty i could write about but i just flat out don't want to.

Tuesday, July 01, 2003


i want to be a SUPERHERO. not just a hero, but a superhero. i want to be able to fly over tall building, swim deep oceans. i want adventure. i want purpose. i need an arch-nemisis. some days i feel like my day has no purpose. However if i was a super hero then i would have that need filled. i could spend my days working in my secret lab devising ways to stop the evil that is [insert evil villian whose sole purpose is to destroy the world to make it his own personal playground here]. i would spend my days searching for and attmpting to determine a way to foil the next fendish plot at world domination. i would save the world.

or i want to be a super spy. with crazy gagets and a determination to complete my governments bidding. i would sneak into parties, and dance with vixen asassins, who wanted me out of there masters way. i would have an endless supply of idenities, and the means to cover my true idenity. i could speak in languages most have hardly spoke a word of out loud, or heard beyond the speakers in their TV. i would meet slovenly men in dark suits, and we would exchange evolopes in dark allys. allys so dark that you never knew who was lurking in the shadows. allys that smelled of urinie and death. allys where i would save the world.

or i want to be a great explorer. searching far reaching corners of the earth for long lost artifacts of acient civalizations. i would leave no trail un-covered, no matter how old the scent. i would meet men in bright street cafes, brimming with vibrance and activity. sit next to unknowning tourists. i would meet men in dark bars, ones where a man goes to die. men who would take me to places their grandfathers told them about. i would fight unholy warriers who wanted their secret kept hidden instead of displayed in a museum for all the worlds to see. i would unearth all of mans mysteries, and i would save the world.

i guess today i just want to be somebody else. i have tried a couple of times, but today i am still myself.
i don't wanna work, i just wannna bang on the drum all day...........the more i work the less i want to. i would like to just hang around the house all day. maybe it's just the work in arlington. i just don't enjoy it anymore. i tire of seeing the same people who drink the same drinks and listen to the same songs from the same seats they have been sitting in since 1976. however, i do enjoy seeing my fort worth regulars. i think it may be the age difference, i'm not sure.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

ok, i have done some preliminary reasesrch, nothing yet. other than the hanging garden of Babylon
last night i was wondering about the war in Iraq. watching images for a commercial for CNN. the thought crossed my mind of how many times in history has an army invaded iraq and occupied Bahgdad. it seems to me that reguardless of the US military might, and the weakness of Iraq, this was quite a feat.

Friday, June 20, 2003



the maker of magic, the birth place of freedom.
today i am pondering the corrulation between a countries military might and coffee. After the first war with Iraq i heard many stories of soldiers not wanting to take prisoners due to lack of coffee.Us soldiers did not want to give there coffee to the Iraqi POWS. which would lead me to believe that Iraq did not have any coffee to provide their troops with. so this i give you to ponder. Had the iraqis had good coffee, would the drive to Baghdad have been so short? Would Naploeans troops been able to withstand the hard russian winter that fatefull year had they had good coffee? not just any coffee, but real good, to die for Coffee?(pun intended)

Thursday, June 19, 2003

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Monday, June 16, 2003

Well it was quite a weekend to say the least. Started off on thrusday. bought a new mattresss. a nice plush soft one. it was delivered on friday. i spent most of friday going and laying down on the bed for a few moments, then getting back up and continuing my days activities. went to work then decided that i wanted to get a new tattoo, photos to follow soon. and then on saturday went to Byblos(sp?) lebonese restaraunt, not very impressed, but still had a good meal and a good time. it was nice to take the princess out for dinner. after that went out to the wreck of course, then came home and crawled into our snuggly fluffy bed. after spending about $1500 for the weekend, decided to stay in on sunday.
reverse cowgirl

Friday, June 13, 2003

grrrrr, everything is loading sooooo slow. damn i want a faster connection, today everything is moving slow, i want to be able to zing in and out of websites with reckless abandon, instead i have to sit and wait, much like the people in ads for broadband.


Well here's pic of my computer. last week sometime i saw 'One Hour Photo'. first off i'd like to say, creepy. secondly the character that robin williams plays make a statement, i think in voiceover, that people only take picstures of things they want to remember. nobody takes pics of everyday things or bad things only happy things. more people should take pictures of everyday life. i have also begiun to read 'reverse cowgirl' who more often than not has picutes of mudane things on her site. so with that in mind, and armed with a digital camara, i have begun to take more documertary pics of my life. some will be posted here, some will be posted elsewhere.
well it would seem i have some new readers. welcome to the corner of my mind, and and welcome to the patio. grab a beer, pick a chair and enjoy your stay. feel free to leave comments.

Thursday, June 12, 2003

nope i wanted to thank George
I hate to burst your bubble, but I think you should be thanking Merle, not George, but I could be wrong.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

.............i wish Coke was still cola, and a joint was a bad place to be..........

i have had this song suck in my head all day. and not really the whole song just this part of it. thank you George for reminding me of my lost youth as well.
just wanted to drop in and say hi

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

ok i think i got this thing close to where i want it for now. but we will see what happens

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

i'm gonna start changing his one around soon
Reluctantly crouched at the starting line,
Engines pumping and thumping in time.
The green light flashes, the flags goes up,
Churning and burning, they yern for the cup.

They deftly manouver and muscle for rank,
Fuel burning fast on an empty tank,
Wreckless and wild they pour thru the turns,
Their prowless is podent and secretly stern.

As they speed thru the finish the flags go down.
The fans get up, and get out of town.
The arena is empty except for one man,
Still driving and striving as fast as he can

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup,
But he's driving and striving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.

He's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
She's all alone, all alone in her time of need.

Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.
He's going the distance.

Yeah!

No trophy, no flowers, no flash bulbs, no wine.
He's haunted by something he cannot define.
Bowel shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse,
Assail him, impale him with monster truck force.
In his mind he's still driving, still making the grade.
She's hoping time that her memories will fade,
Cause he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup.
But he's striving and driving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.

Cause he's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
She's all alone, all alone in her time of need.

Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's figting and biting and riding on his horse,
He's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's figting and biting and riding on his horse!

He's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
He's going the distance...

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

i want a nice house. i watch HGTV constantly along with most current home makeover in a day/weeknd surprize/whileyouwerout/cribcrashed/youdidn't knowiwasgoingtoremakeourliving/bed/bathroom/kitchen. and now i must add monster house to the list. i really don't know why i watch these things but i do. i have from time to time implemented ideas i have seen on these shows into my house, but rarely i have the money or take the time to make the kitchy/crafty things.
i want a house with soft blue and grey walls, beige and green. i want a house that looks like a movie. i want to live the "good life". but i live in the barrio, and i rent. so i don't want to do anything to the house that i can't take with me or will cost too much. i am also reluctant to put money into a house that i know i will never get back. even if it was my own house, the neighborhood i live in will not bear the level of living i desire. concrete and stone,chrome and stainless steel, dark wood and plush upholstry. the neighborhood would accept the nice oak cabinets that my landlord installed, but not the cherry craftsman style with glass fronts i desire, or do i want maple?
i miss my old house terribly. i miss the feeling of the cold slate under my feet in the morning. the cool tile under my hand as i lean on the counter and peer out my window pondering the days upcoming activities. the warm, soft, well worn wood flooring in the living room. the soft green walls and linen curtains.
i miss living in a neighborhood that would appreciate the improvements i make to a home. not the neighborhood where gangster wannabes hang out across my street drinking 40's and wishing they were cool. (i wonder if they like Eminem?) i miss living in a respected and desireable neighborhood,instead of the established one i now reside. i may be painting a bleak picture of my surroundings. i live amongst hard working people. people who love their home and do the best they can. many of whom will never know monetary wealth, for whom everyday is a struggle to make a better life for themselves and their children. people like me. who are doing the best they can the best way they know how. good people. however they try the will never get beyond this barrio/barrier.
will i? i don't know. i yearn to break free, yet i can't seem to get far enough to even see what it is i'm trying to break away to.
i desire to have the pleasure of home ownership again.
for cool stone floors and warm inviting walls. a place to call home.
woke up quick, at about noon.............
well i didn't have to be in compton but my head was all stuffy and my nose was running pretty good. and well i knew i should take some medicine to make me feel better. so i got up and well i left the cold medicine in my truck, all i can say is damn was it bright this morning. damn near blinded me walking to my truck. oh well got the goods and now i'm back inside. i took the pills, but i'm not feeling as good as normal when i'm sick and take them.

Monday, June 02, 2003

as he entered the dark garage he confidently walked to his bike, zipping up his jacket and putting on his gloves. he swung one leg over the seat and fumbled with the key switch, it stuck from time to time and required a light touch to make it turn. once the ignition was turned on, he reached down and tickled each carburator to give a little extra gas for starting. reaching down with his right hand he pulled the kick starting pedal out with a reassuring click letting him know it was firmly locked into place. he picked up his heavy boot from the cool damp pavement below bringing it to rest on the kicker. in one fluid motion he twisted open the throttle and brought his weight to bear on the quiet engine. in the same instant the engine roared to life. while letting the bike gently warm he double checked his gloves and cinched his jacket a little tighter, adjusted his wieght on the machine, and slid his dark glasses down over his eyes. after returning the kicker pedal to its home postion, he moved the transmission into 1st gear. while letting the clutch out with one hand he began to accelerate with the other, out of the garage into the street and gone into the bright sunshine, the exhaust rising and falling with the shifting of gears, fading into the day.
that sucked you didn't get to dj, you even had ppl come out to see you...maybe this week?

Friday, May 30, 2003

i'm really bummed that i didn't get to Dj last night. not only did i go and buy a new CD player for last night, i had a great theme i my head. i was gonna try and do the whole night of bad women, or just songs about women in general. i was figuring on doing alot of country, oh well i guess i'll save it for another time. i just hope i'm in the mood when the next night comes around.

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Last night I broke the seal on a Jim Beam decanter
That looks like Elvis
I soaked the label off a Flintstone Jelly Bean jar
I cleared us off a place on that one little table
that you left us
And pulled me up a big ole piece of floor

I pulled the head off Elvis
Filled Fred up to his pelvis
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
And so are you

'Round about 10 we all got to talking
'Bout Graceland, Bedrock and such
The conversation finally turned to women
But they said they didn't get around too much
Elvis said, "Find 'em young"
And Fred said "Old Fashioned girls are fun"
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
And so are you

Later on it finally hit me
That you wouldn't be 'a comin' home no more
'Cause this time I know you won't forgive me
Like all of them other times before
Then I broke Elvis' nose
Pouring the last drop from his toes
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
And so are you
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
Andso are you

Last night I broke the seal on a Jim Beam decanter
That looks like Elvis
I soaked the label off a Flintstone Jelly Bean jar.........

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

well not much is going on these days. just working and partying. went out last night and had a full blown panic attack. went out with the princess last night to Kareoke with her friends. all was to be well and good. but however i have not felt more outa place in along time. i just didn't belong there. i ended up haveing a horrible time, and on top of it i was paying outrageous drink prices. somewhere in there i began to feel insecure as well, and well my insecurities where fueled by feeling outa place. then bam next thing i know i'm having a panic/anxiety attack.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

ok my dream last night/this morn was pretty weird. it was much like the Paris dream except this time i was supposed to be in Bagdad. allthought it did not look like bagdad, it looked like a old european city, with the exception of everythign being written in ariabic. there was skinny wet streets, and old grey buildings. everywhere i went there where american flags. and hand painted signs welcoming american troops. i remember going into a church, the church was massive, and brilliantly adorned. the odd thing about this church was in the front of the church was a several hundred year old piano. the odd thing was the piano, legs and all, was carved from a solid peice of marble. it was carved very romanesque, and we were told it took along time to get it to resonate like a wood one. then there more narrow streets and rain. for some reason my travling comapions and i had to get to a store onthe other side of town. nobody believed that i knew where i was going, but i proved them wrong when we finally arrived at our destination. from there we had to wind our way back across the city to a party. but i had to go to the hospital because my shoulder was hurting. when i got to see the doctor, he told me my shoulder hurt because i had been drinking and driving, then he told me he called the police to arrest me. i argued that he had no proof that i was drinking, he told me my hurt shoulder was proof enough.
then i woke up.

Saturday, May 10, 2003

Last Cigarette - Dramarama (138 bpm, 4:25)
----------------------------------------------------------


Hey hey it's been so long since I have writhed with opinion
Oh its sharper than a sabor I don't feel like Earl Flinn
Got no computer I can't type the letter M
You know this song aint right I guess I better start again

Well I can tell this fellow is hungry got a dozen mouths to feed
He asks for money for a bus pass and my heart beats
I throw him a dollar is exactly what he needs to get another jug of thunder
But that not all he's asking for...

Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Ohhhhhhhowhoooooo ohwohwoahaohwhoooooo ahwohohhhooooo....

I know it's killing me, yeah I know its killing me
yeah I know its killing me, yeah i know I know I know I know I know I know..
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed

Shut up!

Its getting late you got to get the kitten fed
You got to kiss the little woman, put the children into bed
Check the sports and weather and a liven and a yeah yeah
You don't have to hear the headlines you can hear what Jonny Carson said

Oh mister sand man won't you listen to me please
I'm saying, I'll stay in bed but I'll pretend I'm on my knees and praying
One for my hunger and another for greenie..
Just forget about my end and all and give me what I need I need a

Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
ohoaowhaohwhoooo hwohaohwohoooo h howhwohooooo..........

I know its killing me, I know its killing me, I know its killing me
Yeah I know I know I know I know I know I know ....
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed


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this is still a little quirky for me. i'm not totally used to writing out my thought. usally my thoughts are just notes on scraps of paper just to figure out math or suplies that i need to get. but after reading my archives it seems that i have more to say than i thought i did.
my dog is a nut. sometimes i just don't understand him. maybe that's why i'm a human and not a dog.

Thursday, May 08, 2003

not much going on these days. just plodding along. i think i may have taken too much time off work this month. it's been weird lately. it seems that every other month is good and every other month is bad. i'lll work for damn near a month starigh, then take some time off, then bamm i'm no longer caught up and then i gotta bust my ass to catch up. i guess one of these days i'll get around to better manging my time and money
so, i tried again for the umteenth time to start a FOD but alas this time it won't let me write in the damn thing. wel i guess i'll just stick to this one.

Friday, April 25, 2003

Thursday, April 24, 2003

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

well it's another wednesday. it's raining. i have been working on the house for close to a week. the landlord wants to inspect the property. i know i shouldn't be worried but for some reason i am. it may be a sub-conscience memory of military inspections. where everything had to be perfect. i'm worried that i'm supposed to have an outside dog, and i have an inside dog, because when i put him out, he gets out of the yard. i keep blocking his egress but he finds more. when i lock him in the house, he eats it. the house that is. so far i have replaced everysingle mini-blind int he entire house at least twice, some three or four times. on top of that the carpet is destroyed. my only saving grace was it was in poor condition when i moved in 1 1/2 years ago. my last worry is that i have a roomate i am not supposed to have.
i don't really know why i am worried. when i pay the rent, which i have been only late three times, twice my fault;for which i called everytime, i have paid the rent on time and in cash. i don't know why i am woried. he has been the most accomadating and helpful landlord i have ever had. besides whats he gonna do? give me demerits? make me work weekends?
an hour later
well everything went fine. he didn't even come past the living room hallway, and was complentary of my work to the hard wood floors. then we stood on the front porch and BS'ed for another 45mins. whew. i don't know why i even woried. the good thing is i made repairs to almost everything my dog has destroyed. and i now have a clean house to live in for the moment. i say moment because i know, if i don't keep on top of things, like i promise everytime i clean the house, that it will become the pigstie the i allow myself to live in.

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

so hows everybody today? i'm supposed to be going to work, but somehow i don't feel like it. it's supposed to be my day off, but instead i volenteered to assist with the remodel of the bar. but i take respite in knowing that it cannot be done with out me. oh well. i have alot of thoughts in my head, but unfortunatly most of these thoughts happen while driving so not only am i not able to post them, i'm not able to even record them in any way shape or form. oh well
i've been wanting to do some painting, but i never sem to make the time. i would'nt even know what to paint really. i have a few ideas, but a blank canvas is much like this blog. i have all these great ideas, but when push come to shove, i go blank. sometimes if i stare att he canvas long enough it tells me what it wants to be.
i'm looking forward to redoing the extra bedroom. maybe i can sqeeze my easel and table in a corner somewhere between a book shelf and the computer.

Friday, April 11, 2003

i was trying to write in my other blog, but dice IM'ed me and i lost it all. i almost deleted the whole post.
well. i went out last night and got stupid drunk. i have been doing this more and more often. i think i need to scale it back some. i think i am hurting others and i have more to think of than myself. i am embarressed of my actions last night. i did nothing terrible wrong mind you. i just didn't do anything right either. i chose to saty out, and in doing so i put myself in a postion to not be able to drive. thankfully i had some people around that did not let me drive.

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

i was wondering if i should go back to story writing
i had a bunch more stuff to say but i seemed to have forgotten again. i'm glad i was able to say some things though. but i guess i'll find out in the future what the effects of my actions/words will be
where is this going? do you really love me? or am i just convienient? along time ago we met, and we began a relationhip. some where along the way we chose each other for comfort. we chose each other to be the first on the call list, last on the call list.
we started just "hanging out"
crap i had all this stuff in my head before i could log on.
now it is gone
you had him and i had me/her
we were just hangin out
we ejoyed the time spent together
we chose to spend more time togther
we took it slow
we told each other everything
did we tell too much?
are we still just hanging out?
do we have a future?
you mentioned one time that you fucked it up. do you still think that? did you choose me because your parents approved? did you choose me because you thought your parents would approve? did you choose me because your parents chose me?
do you still love him?
you mentioned that an ancient sand scrit word described sex with him. a word that described true bonding. yet you tell me that you do not think of him now? or try not to. if i had not been there would someone else have been? or would you be with him despite opinion?
you told me when we spoke for the first time that you where a professional heartbreaker,and i told you it didn't matter because my heart was already broken.
i wanted you to want me.
i wanted you to not want any other
did i want to prove that you could not break my heart?
you where easily tempted away, are you still so easily tempted?
where is this going?
you have never lied to me that i know of, yet i do not trust you.
or is my mistrust a way of guarding my heart?
we agreed that what happened before would stay before. i think i know why it can't let it be.
these were not before me, they where WHILE me.
and it makes me wonder. why them instead of me? why did she call them that night and not me? if i had answered my phone that night would things be differnt? i answered my phone or returned phone calls as quickly and as practical as possible. if i had made myself more available would things be differnent?
i was crushed to find out someone else was rushin to your side when you where sick. i wanted to be the galent hero with the bowl of soup and sud-a-fed.

[ took a walk around the world to
Ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark
Side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
I watched the world float to the
Dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something
To do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end
IF I GO CRAZY THEN WILL YOU STILL
CALL ME SUPERMAN
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side with
My superman might
Kryptonite
You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
Never let you down
You stumbled in and BUMPED YOUR HEAD, if
Not for me then you would be dead
I PICKED YOU UP AND PLACED YOU BACK
ON SOLID GROUND
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side with my
Superman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!!
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side with
My superhuman
Kryptonite]
we told each other an awful lot. but now i believe more than before, that what i don't know won't hurt me
i asked to read your journels, expecting a resonding no. but you said yes.
i asked to read your journels hoping to find passages about me. i only found a refernce or two. barely a mention of my name once, only in passing. was i a secret? too dark to mention even to the blank pages? little lone to your mind? but i also found page after page of others. some before, some after. i wish i had never read them. but now i am captivated. i still search for my name or an joyous event that i can say, "hey that's me!"
i remember knowing your arrival time at the airport, and not 15 mins after arrival my phone began to ring, and ring and ring. i remeber hearing you say how important i was to you. i remeber hearing your tears drop onto the phone. why can i not let this go? as you put it I won. but i didn't know it was a contest.
................................................................................................................................................................................................
i may have just bitten off more than i can chew.............................................................................................................................
shopping list for some time in the future....
Drain-o
Tuna(do they sell those in 55 gal drums?)
bread(we always seem to run out of bread
Self-esteem(can you have enough of it?)

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

it sure got cold after the rain fell.........
well it looks like the we are in the final stages of the war. how long this will last who knows. i suspect this will go on for a few more days or weeks. i hope it ends soon, and that we don't end up mired in sniper fire in Baghdad.

and yeah, i know the channel is ALWAYS changed when i get home.

Friday, April 04, 2003

Saturday, March 29, 2003

WAR, porn and coffee!
for some reason i am infatuated with the war. in the past few weeks i have cried, laughed and been bored outa my mind. i can't seem to turn it off. i have had this affliction with live news for some time now. i used to sleep with the TV on so i wouldn't miss anything. i remember being awakened by the world trade center bombing. i'm afraid that if i turn off the TV i'll miss something. Hell i was in heaven yesterday. Before anyone showed up i tuned all the televisions in the bar to different news stations. it was quite neat to see all teh differnt covarge of the same thing.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

i have been hearing some small snipits of news that seems encouraging. i don't know what to make of them other than take them for what they are. i heard that some Iraqi prisioners where surprized to find out they were not going to be injected with poisen and killed. apparently they they had been told this be senior iraqi military.
a woman and small girl approached us military and asked if the US was really on there side. of course they said yes, the two then returned to where the came.

sidenote. while typing this and writing to others i have noticed that armed conflict and tragady termnioligy have alot of 'i's and 'o's. just a thought.
day whatever of the war. I have been getting some encouraging emails from my brother. he is safe and sound. i know that the further we push into iraq the safer he gets. also got a pic of him today out on patrol. pretty cool pic.

Saturday, March 22, 2003

well we are in the fourth day of the war.
i'm getting tired of seeing protesting. i can't help but feeling that i should be there. i feel like i missed the last war, and i'm missing this one. alot of my peers are prior military, alot of them saw action in the gulf last time round. i have had several people ask me a question only to say well never mind you were there wern't you? and i have to say no. i am very proud of my military record. i am very proud of where and how i served. but i spent my entire time at home base. many of my counterparts had a involvment in operations, but i never got to go.
most genarations have a war of there time. i have had at least two. but just like the last war with Iraq i'm sitting on the sidelines.
i remember when we went to bosnia, i worked 14 hour days preparing equipment fore shipment. i didn't have to, but i wanted to. i also vollenteered to go, but i was not needed. so i got to sit on the sidelines. i got to paint alot of equipment. i got to make stencils, to mark vehicles as part of the peace force. but i wanted to go. i wanted to help. i guess i could be satisfied with the knowledge that i was needed were i was. and that i was an asset to the unit. it makes me laugh, when i was a memeber of the primary deployment team, i couldn't be deployed to the balkins because i was on the primary team and i was needed in case a real war happend. funny huh?
oh well..... i guess i 'll go back to watching bombs being dropped on bahgdad

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

Patrick and the Princess rode the evening train into the city. The sun was still peeking above the horizon, spewing golden streams of light thru the clouds and the city glistened from the afternoon rain. She had never been to the city before and Patrick was eager to show her the renowned City of lights. Fortunate for him the setting sun was the perfect start to the night, with its glow spread upon the worn and broken streets. Shades of gold and yellow in sharp contrast to the dark shadows that held the thoughts of the night captive in their grasp. This was the magical time of the day. Where day and night meet, shake hands, and trade our hopes for our dreams.
As they got closer to the depths of the city, He began to point out landmarks and visages of eras gone by. These things seemed of no interest to her, for she was here not to see the sights, but to find the dark underbelly of the city. She was there to find not the bright light of the city, but to find out where these lights came from. Who was the man who flipped the switch? Who was the woman behind the lights?
Arriving in the main train station they waited for the train to stop, and the doors to open. The rhythmic clack-clack of the train had dulled the senses, making her mind reel when she stepped on the platform. The sounds and smells came rushing to meet her, and almost overwhelmed her perception. This was her first time to experience this explosion of sensory overload. The smell of perfume and food mingled with diesel fumes and grease.
i remember soldiers sleeping next to me,riding on the metro.............
last night we went to paris. rode trains and i showed you the dark depths of the city. i remember dark wet streets, and soft rain. tunnenels and bridges. we were on tour, or had someplace to go. i showed you the original statue of liberty, and it was so small and negeleted.(maybe a subconscience take on liberty in europe)

Sunday, March 16, 2003

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

once ther was a show on HBO about a guy who grew up being babysat by the TV. he ralated his whole life to TV. it was funny. someone would say something to him, and he would flash a scene from an old TV show. sometimes i think this happens to me. but not so narrow minded. sometimes bits and pieces of songs,movies and TV often come to mind. here recently it has been songs.
note to self. when getting a refill of coffee, take cup to coffee pot.
so i am sitting here watching 'Flatliners'. after working on two movies and witnessing two others, i can't help but think, man i bet that scene took forever to setup. the colors and lighting in this movie are incredible, alot of differnt colors and alot of changing color mid-scene. it must have taken all day to set up some of these shoots. another funny thing is i can look at amovie and have a pretty good idea of what lights were used. i'm still trying to figure out if particapating in the magic of movies has jaded me towards movies. i seem to only notice lighting when the movie bores me.......or i have seen it a few times.
blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah.

Monday, March 10, 2003

well damn, i had this long post about the pleasure of napping and my computer burped when i posted. lost the whole thing

Friday, March 07, 2003

judging by the UN report this morning it appears that the weapons inspectors believe that Iraq is currently in compliance, but there is still evidence of prohibited activity, and it will take years to complete inspections and for iraq to become fully disarmed and be in compliance......i don't know. i was having a hard time figuring it all out. was Hans Blix saying that more action needed to ba taken or that they need more time......i don't know.
quite a bit of partying this week. i think i may have to take a day or two off.

Monday, March 03, 2003

that's the pot calling the kettle black don't you think. you are so stubborn you don't let people remindl you what a wonderful person you truly are. i'm sorry i got mad at you.
everybody wants to talk and nobody wants to listen. and when you don't want to listen and you do not want to talk, they get all bent outa shape. FUCK OFF!

Sunday, March 02, 2003

Its just you and me kid...............
well last night was a complete bust, not one single solitary person showed up for the party last night. i am getting tired of hearing promises of coming to one of my parties and then getting no shows. two people called and said they would try,one had car troubles and the other was working, but they were called back and told not to bother that no one else had shown up yet. well i decided last night that i am not nearly as cool as i thought i was, and that this is the end. From here on out no more parties, no more Patio Kings. this i say with a heavy heart. simply because i enjoyed it sooo much. but since my bike is down, and has been for nearly a year now, i get called less and less for outings. and with summer quickly approaching i know that the infrequent call will get more and more infrequent. but ya know? fuck'em!!! i don't need them. if they were as good of freinds as they thought they were, they would not have stopped calling. last weekend i even tried to get involved a little bit, i asked the guy with the extra bike if i could borrow it to go riding with everyone. did they call, NO. did they go riding? YES. so i say again FUCK THEM. if this continues i may have to start taking medication again, and well i can't afford it. so i'll prolly end up self medicating again. Jager,Beam and Beer. it worked for awhile, but it never works for the long haul. last time i self medicated i lost a wife, a girlfriend and damn near lost my life and liberty. but i guess it doesn't really matter. for along time now i have always been the one guy who could be counted on. but here as of late, it seems people are only my friend when they need something. it just makes me remember when i figured out no one in this life would help me but me. last time i tried to start my own buisness i got alot of excuses from those who offered help. my own family even didn't believe in me enough to help. ya know, fuck everybody. i made it pretty damn far by-myself and i'll continue to make my own way by MYSELF. i'll make my own rules and play the game the way i see fit. and if anybody want to come along, the can go to hell, they should have been there when i needed it.
i wonder if any of this has to do with not having many friends in school. at one time i thought that part of my life was over. seems i should have taken that as a clue to how my life would be......"is life always this hard or is it just when your a kid? always like this."

Friday, February 28, 2003

every night seems to be the same thing day in and day out. i want this i want that. but come morning time all is forgotten and i go and do what i'm told to do. why can't i seem to get motivated to do what needs to be done..........
toooooniiiiiiiight the bottle, leeet mee doown
so i had a weird dream wake me up tonight, the funny part is it not that wierd at all, except the peolpe i was with would not leave me alone long enought to talk buisness. in the dream, i get turned on to a Benigans that will be closing in a few days, the bar is separate from the restuaraunt, and this guy mario tells me about it. says he can get me the space. it sounds perfect. all i got to do is buy paint and likker. but alas i wake up before anything can take place.
so in my sleepless state i start thinking of places to rent. i think about at tiny little place(where you could lose your face) that is an old abandoned gas station. it would be just wide eonough for a row of barstools. i could call it "the Elbow" i dunno then i start thinking of a clothing store. the i wonder why i even bother. sometimes i feel like i am destined to work for others my whole life. i do my best work when i'm doing it for someone else. i always make sure i can be counted on, and i try real hard not to let people down, but why do i always let myself down.....

Thursday, February 27, 2003

nuthing to see here today, move along now

Saturday, February 22, 2003

i think my dog is part cat the way he lays on the back of the couch to look out the window
OK, so i had another wierd dream last night. this time i rented a truck, a big flat bed truck, which is not all that wierd in it self, but was weird is that it looked like a regular truck, but the sleeper compartment was the size of a small mobile home, but it was like a maze almost. for some reason we parked it on a college parking lot. when we came back the next day, it was like a party had taken place , there were cans and bottles everywhere, and lots of trash. it looked like some one tried to steal the whirlpool tub. yeah weird i know, what's a whirlpool tub doing in a truck! there was also some sort of kids party, at like a game center or something, and there was a game where i could drive a big truck, but all the kids wanted to play it and i scolded by parents for hogging the game. but there was another party going on in the building, but it was in the back somewhere, and i had to go thru a maze to get to it. then driving home there was wreck on the freeway and we couldn't get on were we wanted so we had to navigate the myriad of roazds and ramps in dallas traffic to get where we were going. there was alot of "mazes" to navigate last night. just plain weird. there was lots of bright colors too
I will find your alter ego, oh yes, I will.

Thursday, February 20, 2003

So i had a weird dream last night, i was in an old highrise wharehouse, and i was taking the freight elevators to the top, but the elevator would only go up a few floors then i had to walk across floor to another elevator. once i got to the top i found out that the building wasn't abandoned at all. it was bustling with activity. so doing what i do best i made my way around like i belonged. Queenie was suddenly with me, and we saw that there was a whole abandoned town on top of the building, almost like an old ghost town. we were standing there looking at the old city and the new city skyline around us. from one window you could see the entire skyline. even the buildings that should have been behind us. we saw an area that looked like an employee break area, and thought we would go over and say hello to some people i recognized. just about then she said,"did you see that guy with the gun?" and i looked up and saw i guy running past the window with what looked like a pistol in his hand. then i looked closer and saw him and another guy get into a van, the other guy had an assault rifle and i said " like that guy?" next thing i know we are runnning around the building to get into ourtruck, and get the hell outa there. as we get to the truck we have someone else with us and we get in the truck, and watch the van start speeding down the mountain road to the bottom of the building.[????] so we start to follow them down the mountain and anaother truck pulls up yelling not to worry that they just want to get out of there tooo and nuthing would happen to us, they were just trying to get out. but the guy has a gun and is holding on to the side of the truck, so as we head down the road it has a drop off oon the passengerside, so just at the right moment queenie vears that direction sending the other truck into the ditch. i yell at her to keep driving cuz if they didn't completley crash out they would be after us........then i woke up. there was som other dreams about bartending, and fighting, and the air force but i don't remember them too well. i just remember thinking how weird it was for a building to be a moutain.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003

there's a guy whos been awake since the second world war
so my computer is screwwed, and i don't know what i did. all i know is that all teh pics from the party could possibley be gone. oh well, i guess i didn't need them anyway. i read a story yesterday about a woman who decided shew didn't need photgraphs, it would only give her something to look at when she gets old, now she can concentrate on more importatnt things like where her damn slippers are.......

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

i'm thinking that i need to renew my sub to 'this old house' magazine, simply for the fact that it seems the articles seems to come out at the right time every time, for example, when i was replacing the toilet, or thinking aboout it, the new issue had a section on plumbing, floors, yep, next issue showed up just before i was about to emabrk, today? take a guess? After getting all my stuff outa storage, and packing my Garage to the ceiling, new issue of this TOH has an article on storage solutions for your garage.

Friday, February 14, 2003

i wish there was something i could say that would make it all better. i have a few things to say on the matter, but right know it doesn't seem to come out right everytime i type it. give me a few moments to meditate on it and i'll give you my two cents.
i have alot of ideas in my head right now... and i don't quite know what to say. Recently racism has reared it's ugly head in my life again. i made a conscience decesion to not tolorate in my life. and it seems that a of late i have been tolorateing it. apparently i have been told this, that i am allowing people around me to use slurs in my presence. i remember there was a day that i would make a comment if i heard something i didn't like, but i while working as a mechanic, i grew weary of trying to fight it, and i guess i grew callosed also. i figured tht these where old men who's minds were so closed that i could nothing to change them. but i still cringe when i hear slurs, and i even cringe when i think the words i do.
I think alot of it has to do with the enviroment that i have put myself into. it seems that the type of music i like and the type of cars i like have attracted a large number of former skinheads. and don't even get me started on non-racist skins, if you dress like a NAZI you will be labeled as a NAZI. I have evenheard as of late some folks trying to justify themselves by saying they are sepratists, not racist. and i'm not buying it. aarrrrrggggggg i can't evven think straight right now.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!! <<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Well i finally got around to adding comments to my blog. i can't believe that some ham fisted mechainc/bartender was able to manipulate HTML. A very special thanks to Norasake for her help
Ok here is the revised copy, i did some spell check and i did also revised some of the grammer. as wll as change a few words around to make things read better
5800 hundred miles to go, I want to be sedated……...
August 16th, 9:14am Saturday morning, the alarm blaring in my ear telling me it was time to get going. We woke up late and had a lot to do today. But, coffee first. Then find my smokes. Move slowly to the kitchen, and make coffee. Ah, sweet, sweet coffee, the stuff that fills your lungs with aroma, your mouth with flavor, and you body with warmth. We had to be in town by noon for lunch. High noon. The exact opposite of the midnight witching hour, the time of the day that all is supposed to be clear, though highlighted by the deep shadows cut by the sun straight above. And things were very clear today.
Even though The Princess had begun packing I had not even started. I didn’t have as much to pack as she had. She was moving across the country to begin her new life, I merely the vehicle that would get her there. I was to be on the road for a week, return to gather my belongings and begin my new journey to join her. I didn’t know how long she would be out there, but she knew enough to realize that what she didn’t take would be gone forever. I’m sure if we had finished packing the night before we wouldn’t feel so rushed, but we both wanted one more night out on the town before departing. One more “night to remember”. And that we did, we partied like rock stars. This spontaneous change would set the tone for the entire trip, as well as be the cause for our late departure.
After I had my coffee and morning smoke I began to pack my bag. A few t-shirts, under shirts, some socks and a pair of jeans. I also packed my cowboy boots. I find it interesting that in normal day to day I don’t often wear them, but for some reason, as soon as I cross the state line they go on my feet and stay there till I get home. I would also be flying home and well they are just plain easy. No steel toes to worry airport security, and they are easy to get on and off to be checked for prohibited items. So I had all I needed to last me a week on the road.
The Road. This journey was to be a short one for me. She and I would simply drive her truck to California, where I would then get on a plane out of LA. Short and sweet journey. Planned destination. At least that was the plan till we had lunch with her father. Pops pulled me aside and told me of the dreams and aspirations he had for his daughter, and living in California was not one of them. He suggested that we make a vacation out of it, see some of the country and take time on the road to fully realize the opportunities a that were available to us. At this time I had no job to return to and no real reason for staying in Fort Worth. I knew that following love was a dangerous decision, but I also knew that if I let it go, I would always wonder what would have become of us. So I took her fathers money and advice. I put the money in my pocket and finished loading the truck.
After loading the truck our decision to head east or west was made by the toss of a coin. Best two out a three sent us west. If all went as planned we would make our way to our originally intended destination in LA, and make the decision to stay or go. My small trip had been instantly changed into a grand road trip. The New American Dream. Living life on the open road. Following the wind and going up stream.
The new plan was simple. West Texas to say hello to her family, North to Denver to meet new friends, onward to Montana, to see an old friend of mine, west to Seattle to see old friends and make new ones and then down the coast to LA where our destiny awaited.
After several stops for last minute items, we began our journey at 8:45pm. Nearly 12 full hours after beginning preparations, and many, many hours later than intended. So much had changed this first day; only our imaginations could conjure what lay before us on that dark and desolate road. West into the sunset.
We were trying to make it to Odessa, TX the first night so she could visit family not seen in a while, but we did not make it. Due in part to our late departure and the late night partying, by 11 pm we were both exhausted and ready to rest for the night. We made it from Fort Worth all the way to the big town of Sweetwater. We managed to find a suitable seedy motel for the first night of our adventure, the Longhorn Motor lodge. In the dark, drab West Texas night we had found an oasis of lush green light. The entire motel was rimmed in green florescent lighting. Absolutely a site to behold. As we pulled into the drive all kinds of thoughts flashed thru my head. I saw bits of old movies, and the covers of long forgotten Pulp Fiction novels. I didn’t know if the man behind the counter would give me grief or not. I was afraid he might, given that the age difference between the Princess and I. Would he think that this was some late night rendezvous? That we had met in some backwater bar on the highway, and this was the only place we could go? Was I having an affair? Was she? I also had ideas about the man behind the counter, what would he look like? Would he be a skinny old man, who reeked of booze and cigarettes? Or would he be fat man in his forties, who had greasy hands and hair with sweat stain under his arms? I imagined it would be the later. I don’t know for sure, but at the time I never gave it any thought that it might be a woman. But true to our fantasies it was a man who was old, fat, and greasy. I don’t think he much cared why we were there. I think all he wanted was his money, his form to be filled out correctly, and to go back to his beer, or bed or both. Thru all of this I became more and more excited. The Princess and I had agreed that we would forgo the modern sleek corporate hotels in favor of small roadside motels. The ones that weary travelers might have sought out before the day of the super highways. Before modern conveniences had jaded people. A time before the Internet, a time when super highway meant four lanes and roadside attractions. The glory days of the automobile. And this is what we had found the first night and without even trying. I could barley wait to get to our room and discover what we had ourselves gotten into. I was not to be disappointed.
The room was small and well worn, the freshly made bed, was drooping from untold years of sleep, sex and what not. The carpet was trampled, mashed and worn. The curtains thick, and the lights bright. But the bathroom, the bathroom was absolutely beautiful. It was rose and pink tiles from floor to ceiling. It looked as though it was built in 1940, and it the door left closed till I opened it. Not one bit of wear was found. Then i found the note laying on the desk. "Please do not use hotel towels to clean mud, grease, oil, heavey makeup or blood. There are "rags" under the sink in the bathroom for such activites. If you need more than provided please contact the office." BLOOD!! holy shit, what have i gotten ourselves into?
While I fumbled with luggage, the TV and my cameras, the young woman had begun preparing herself for the upcoming adventures. I looked thru the tiny door opening from the bed, and there she stood. She was wearing a mans white undershirt, her breasts pushing at the seams. She wore tiny, well-worn cutoff jean shorts that accentuated her lovely hips and ass. If you looked closely you could see her ass thru the fringe. She was beautiful. Her black raven hair, pulled back tight out of her face, was in sharp contrast to the pink-rose tiles. She was slightly bent over, one leg in the sink, slowly and carefully shaving her legs. I grabbed my camera to capture this moment forever and to let a select few share a few minutes of my life with the princess. After taken a few pictures I lay in bed, and just watched. Soon she was done with her royal primping and came to join me on the bed. She soon peeled out of her tight clothes, crawled under the covers with me and we both drifted off to sleep. She fell asleep a few moments before me and gave me time to ponder what had become and what was to be.
This was the end of the first day of so many more to come. We had finally broken the bonds of home. Even though we had not made it far distance wise, we had succeeded in covering an enormous distance emotionally. For the very first time since we had met, there was no one else. Tonight we lived and died with, by and for each other.
spell check my dear, spell check and a good editor, you should really send me a copy so i can read it. ;)

Tuesday, February 11, 2003

nuthing else to say today. i did some revisions on the story. there seems to be some inconsitanceies when put together. that and i can't spell for shit.

Saturday, February 08, 2003

What the heck are elephant shoes and what is that supposed to mean?
I don't feel to much like writing to today.
you're awake and i know it!

write something. entertain me

(elephant shoes)

Friday, February 07, 2003

set them free at the break of dawn til one by one they were gone
Last we left our superheros the had just checked into the Longhorn Motor Lodge in Sweetwater, Texas. the room was small and well worn, the bed freshly made, was drooping from untold years of sleep, sex and what not. the carpet was trampled, mashed and worn. the curtains thick, and the lights bright. But the bathroom, the bathrom was absolutly beatiful. It was rose and pink tiles from floor to ceiling. it looked as though it was built in 1940, and it the door left closed till i opened it. not one bit of wear was found.
while the I fumbled with luggage, the TV and my camaras, the young woman had begun preparing herself for the upcoming adventures. i looked thru the tiny door opening from the bed, and there she stood. she was wearing a mans white undershirt, her breasts pushing at the seams. she wore tiny, well worn cutoff jean shorts that acentuated her lovley hips and ass. if you looked closly you could see the ass thru the fringe. she was beatuiful. Her black raven hair, pulled back tight out of her face, was in sharp contrast to the pink-rose tiles. she was slightly bent over, one leg in the sink, slowly and carfully shaving her legs. I grabbed my camara to capture this momnet forever and to let a select few share a few minutes of my life with the princess. After taken a few pictures i laid in bed, and just watched. soon she was done with her royal primping and came to join me on the bed. She soon peeled out of her tight closes, crawled under the covers with me and we both drifted off to sleep. She fell alseep a few moments before me and gave me time to ponder what had become and what was to be.
This was the end of the first day of so many more to come. We had finally broken the bonds of home. Even though we had not made it far distance wise, we had succeeded in covering an enormaous distance emotionally. For the very first time since we had met, there was no one else. tonight we lived and died with, by and for each other.
you and i in a little a little toy shop, buy a bag of balloons with the money we brought..................

Thursday, February 06, 2003

i'm hung over as hell today, slept till 1:30pm. and now i'm all shakey
HEY! i think you should get yo ass outta bed! entertain me or something!

Tuesday, February 04, 2003

It worked. hi! i'm trying to figure out how to let people leave comments. i know it can be done. but i can't figure it out yet. ok i found out how to do it, but it seems complicated right now.i'm gonna ask some questions and see what others are doing.
hi baby,
i hope this works.
queenie
well my chopper is leaving today. i sold it last week, and to taday the guy is coming to pick it up. i have mixed emotrions over this as well. i seem to have mixed emotion about everything. i am excited to sell the bike, but sad to see it go.

Queenie? hang in there. you know you have my support with what ever you do.
Short interlude. six hours and 4 trucks later teh divorce is final. i spent almost all day sunday emptying my shop at my ex-wifes house. it was a bitter sweet moment. it was nice to know that finally i have all my tools and equipment back and in my pocession, but it was also pretty sad because it was closeing another chapter in my life. i loved that shop. alot of good times took place there. alot of friend came and went. it gave birth to many an idea, and a few motorcycles. oh well. it was the not the shop of my dreams but it was pretty damn close. i will build anew on one day. it and it will be exactly what i want.

Sunday, February 02, 2003

had a great party last night, though some people decided they would go to a show in dallas, rather that come to my party to celebrate Queenie's birthday. NOT GOOD. I am very pissed off about it right now.

Saturday, February 01, 2003

We were trying to make it to Odessa, TX the first night so she could visit family not seen in a while, but we did not make it. Due in part to our late departure and the late night partying, by 11 pm we were both exhausted and ready to rest for the night. We made it from Fort Worth all the way to the big town of Sweetwater. We managed to find a suitable seedy motel for the first night of our adventure. The Longhorn Motor lodge. In the dark, drab West Texas night we had found an oasis of lush green light. The entire motel was rimmed in green florescent lighting. Absolutely a site to behold. As we pulled into the drive all kinds of thoughts flashed thru my head. I saw bits of old movies, and the covers of long forgotten Pulp Fiction novels. I didn’t know if the man behind the counter would give me grief or not. I was afraid he might, given that the age difference between the Princess and I. Would he think that this was some late night rendezvous? That we had met in some backwater bar on the highway, and this was the only place we could go? Was I having an affair? Was she? I also had ideas about the man behind the counter, what would he look like? Would he be a skinny old man, who reeked of booze and cigarettes? Or would he be fat man in his forties, who had greasy hands and hair with sweat stain under his arms? I imagined it would be the later. I don’t know for sure, but at the time I never gave it any thought that it might be a woman. But true to our fantasies it was a man who was old, fat, and greasy. I don’t think he much cared why we were there. I think all he wanted was his money, his form to be filled out correctly, and to go back to his beer, or bed or both. Thru all of this I became more and more excited. The Princess and I had agreed that we would forgo the modern sleek corporate hotels in favor of small roadside motels. The ones that weary travelers might have sought out before the day of the super highways. Before modern conveniences had jaded people. A time before the Internet, a time when super highway meant four lanes and roadside attractions. The glory days of the automobile. And this is what we had found the first night and without even trying. I could barley wait to get to our room and discover what we had ourselves gotten into. I was not to be disappointed.

Friday, January 31, 2003

my baby got her own blog
www.mermaidprincess.blogspot.com

Yeah!!!!
welli figured out what i was doing wrong, seems i was using a template that was out of order. even though i like the previous template, it was a bit pompous and i thinki like this better.
well i'm gonna try this again, we will see what happens.

BTW, Hi Queenie.
maybe i can be more attentive this time
well it's been along time since i came here.
here is another account of the trip. i'm hoping that in the next few days i can continue writing the account. i know that the longer i wait the more fuzzzy the details will be. and the more i'll fictionalize to make it a better read. but anyway here it goes.

5800 hundred miles to go, I want to be sedated……...

August 16th, 9:14am Saturday morning, the alarm blaring in my ear telling me it was time get going. We woke up late and had alot to do today. But, coffee first. Then find my smokes. Move slowly to the kitchen, and make coffee. Ah, sweet, sweet coffee, the stuff that fills your lungs with aroma, your mouth with flavor, and you body with warmth. We had to be in town by noon for lunch. High noon. The exact opposite of the midnight witching hour, the time of the day that all is supposed to be clear, though highlighted by the deep shadows cut by the sun straight above. And things were very clear today.
Even though The Princess had begun packing I had not even started. I didn’t have as much to pack as she had. She was moving across the country to begin her new life, I merely the vehicle that would get her there. I was to be on the road for a week, return to gather my belongings and begin my new journey to join her. I didn’t know how long she would be out there, but she knew enough to realize that what she didn’t take would be gone forever. I’m sure if we had finished packing the night before we wouldn’t feel so rushed, but we both wanted one more night out on the town before departing. One more “night to remember”. And that we did, we partied like rock stars. This spontaneous change would set the tone for the entire trip, as well as be the cause for our late departure.
After I had my coffee and morning smoke I began to pack my bag. A few t-shirts, under shirts, some socks and a pair of jeans. I also packed my cowboy boots. I find it interesting that in normal day to day I don’t often wear them, but for some reason, as soon as I cross the state line they go on my feet and stay there till I get home. I would also be flying home and well they are just plain easy. No steel toes to worry airport security, and they are easy to get on and off to be checked for prohibited items. So I had all I needed to last me a week on the road.
The Road. This journey was to be a short one for me. She and I would simply drive her truck to California, where I would then get on a plane out of LA. Short and sweet journey. Planned destination. At least that was the plan till we had lunch with her father. Pops pulled me aside and told me of the dreams and aspirations he had for his daughter, and living in California was not one of them. He suggested that we make a vacation out of it, see some of the country and take time on the road to fully realize the opportunities a that were available to us. At this time I had no job to return to and no real reason for staying in Fort Worth. I knew that following love was a dangerous decision, but I also knew that if I let it go, I would always wonder what would have become of us. So I took her fathers money and advice. I put the money in my pocket and finished loading the truck.
After loading the truck our decision to head east or west was made by the toss of a coin. Best two out a three sent us west. If all went as planned we would make our way to our originally intended destination in LA, and make the decision to stay or go. My small trip had been instantly changed into a grand road trip. The New American Dream. Living life on the open road. Following the wind and going up stream.
The new plan was simple. West Texas to say hello to her family, North to Denver to meet new friends, onward to Montana, to see an old friend of mine, west to Seattle to see old friends and make new ones and then down the coast to LA where our destiny awaited.
After several stops for last minute items, we began our journey at 8:45pm. Nearly 12 full hours after beginning preparations, and many, many hours later than intended. So much had changed this first day; only our imaginations could conjure what lay before us on that dark and desolate road. West into the sunset.