Thursday, February 12, 2004

cold and sunny

i wish it was raining today. actually i don't want it to rain, but i would like it if the weather matched my mood a liitle better. i just want it to be dark and dreary. i mean it's already cold, it ought to be cloudy as well. at least if it was cloudy i could curl up on the bed or couch or what ever and wallow in self pity. but how are you supposed to have a pity party when the sun is shining and birds are singing.
i miss the first time, the firt sight, the first kiss, that first tingle up my spine the excitement of the unknown, of atticipation. i miss my pants fitting funny.
i miss being excited in the morning. i miss not wondering where she is or who she's talking to.
today i want a big steak, the first cut and the juice spills out on the plate.
i don't want to wonder about her. i don't want to know what she's thinking, i don't want to know who she's talking to.
but she wont get out of my head.
everyday the hole grows larger and larger. everyday the hole gets harder to fill. i miss the days when there was no hole in my heart. i miss the days when i could fill the hole with a few shots of gentley warm bourben. the cool glass in my hand, and fire in my chest.
i miss birds singing. i miss walking on air.


Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Dark bars and Dark secrets

out of the mouths of drunk comes the strangest things. i don't know what they are, but hell their talking, and if they are tipping while they talk i'm listening. so last night a small group of six waltz into my place in arlington. two girls and four guys. they are out celebrating the brithday of one of the gents in the group. i only know this because they called proir to arriving to ask if it was ok if they brought a small leashed dog with them. ait turned out i was the only bar they called that would allow a canine companion to accompany them into the bar, so they didn't bring the dog on their birthday bar crawl. the group turned out to consists of a neighboring bar owner, his wife, one of their bartenders and two of their friends, one of whom was the birthday boy. i know these folks from visiting their bar, and lovely folks i might add. back to the story at hand. the birthday boy was obviously well passed drunk, was having a great time, but could barley speak or stand. being his birthday and knowing he was in good hands, i gave him what i imgine to be his last beer for his birthday. he was trying to get me to buy him a shot for the special occasion but after realizing just how intoxicated he was i tried to hem-n-haw around while i served others, tried to change the subject and basically avoid buying a shot one, and two having him puke it back up on my bar. so the night goes on and the bartrender girl remembers the last time i was in her bar i was buying everyone i could find a beer or a drink or a shot for those who were willing to do jager with me. i think the bartender was the only one whom i did not buy a shot of jager for because she stated that she did not care for taste. i bought her something else if my memory serves me correctly. this all came about because i had ended up working an unexpected double, made some stupid cash, i was caught up on my bills and i decide i was going to share the wealth. the whole time that batender girl and i were rehashing that lovely day and the enormity of my tab, birthday boy is listening intently and watching as best he could. then out of nowhere and in the middle of someone elses sentence, just as the word jager come out of my mouth, he jumps up, wobbles, points his finger at me and proclaims " i know you now, your the guy that bought me a shot of jager and told me a funny story" why yes i did, i bought a lot of drinks that day". no sooner had this realization hit him, another one hit him and he needed to use the phone. poof. gone. goodbye.
it got me to thinking on my way home, yup that's me. the guy who'll buy you a shot of jager and tell you a funny story. what story will i tell? i never know, and neither will you.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

i can be your superman

i was reading thru my archives and came aross this post from July 01, 2003 i'm kinda feeling this way again.
Sex , lies and horny drunks

So a customer at the bar made an interesting observation in his drunken stupor after the conversation at the bar turned to sex and masturbation. Another drunk was making the argument that it's ok and that both men and women do it to "take care of business " the observation was that if all the horny men and women are going home alone and masturbating because they are horny, wouldn't the world be a better place if everybody got together and made the masturbation issue a non-issue. It got me to thinking, yup there are a lot of horny folks going home alone at the end of the night. But I guess not all of the right people are not in all of the right places at the same time. Of course this brings up the topic of causal sex and that I believe is a topic for another day. Of course as I have mentioned before there are a lot of ugly or not so attractive folks out there and for some ingrained reason most horny folks have a higher standard for the folks they want to have sex with than they have for themselves. I know most people do there best to look their best when they go out on the town, or maybe not. Maybe the horny folks have resigned themselves to be lonely and don't make an effort to get all dressed up when they go out for a beer or a show. What scares me the most are the guy and gals who obviously look like the put some time and effort into their appearance and still manage to miss the mark arbitrarily set by society. I remember one time at the bar, kicking back and having a beer or three, a young woman walked thru the door. This girl was the poster girl for a white trash whore. She was wearing a skirt that was too short, tattered and worn, not to mention about 10 years out of style. (do short skirts really go out of style?) ugly cheap shoes that should have been sent to the trash bin years ago, black torn fishnets and a shirt that was way too tight. Bright red lipstick and cake hair from the late 80's. Her whole outfit screamed I'm looking to have sex with the band, the whole band and nothing but the band. But when I noticed what she was carrying I almost fell out of my chair giggling. A bag of Doritoes. I turned and looked at one of my friends and in the straightest face I could muster, I said, "she's all that and a bag of chips." we laughed about that thru most of the night. And the young girl oblivious to our amusement stood dutifully at the edge of the stage and stared mournfully at each band that played. And I digress.
So horny people? Put on your best clothes, wash your hair, brush your teeth, ask a friend how you look, then go out at give it a go at not going home alone or at least getting a number for later. Now I'm not saying that everybody in the club is single and horny, but you never know, that pretty young thing that you've been looking at all night, might be just like you. Looking for love in all the wrong places.

Monday, February 09, 2004

Life on the road

two years, two people, two separate roads to go. there is now an empty chair in my castle, for my queenand i have parted ways. it's been amicable and pleasant, but today is the first day she has not been here for me when i woke up or got home. we've talked and we both agree, that the time has come to go our own ways. it's been a while since my divorce. what started out as quick trip has ended in a two year journey. i 've discoverd many things about myself and forgotten a few things. i never finished the story i was writing about my trip to california and it may now be never finished. hell my thought are allover the place right now, maybe i should go take a shower. i have alot of disconnected thoughts today. well not even just today, but for some time. i can create or envision wonderful titles and images but for some reason i can't flesh out the story.
for instance theis entry began on way and it took for ever for me to log on and now it's gone. oh well.

i'll see if i can recapture it for you.
life on the road........
well this post has digressed into one liners. i'll think about and try to post more later. right now the TV is bugginthe crap outa ma and i have to turn it off.