Tuesday, February 24, 2004


well a small discovery. i used to not shower on a daily basis. not because i'm a gross pig. but i always thought, hey if i'm not dirty then why? i mean if i shower and don't do anything, all i do is sit infront of the computer all day then all i have to do is wash my hands and face and go back to bed? right? but i had a little bit of a revelation. or for me a light bulb or something. latley it has not been about showing to clean my body but to clean my mind. i have discoverd the ritual of hygene to be more about my head than my body. the whole ritual is self cleaning and gets me going. i wash my body then may hair, then my face. after that i stand under the shower head for sometimes up to 30 minutes just letting the hot water wash everything else away. after that, i shave, brush my teeth and comb my hair. finally i get dressed and walk out the door ready to take on the world because i just washed a bunch of shit outa my head and down the drain to deserted part of town to let the water department solidfy my shit and fill a big hole in the ground.

another thing that came to mind today and startled me. i was sitting here listening to woodeye staring out the window watching the rain, and thought, damn i miss home. WHAT? i am home. i live in the city i was born and raised in. why on earth did i think of home as holland and germany. go back home to amsterdam. sit on a canal on a rainey cold day, have a cold beer and watch the world walk by on vacation, looking for a beer, a dildo, a joint or sex with a stranger. i remember one time shortly after moving to germany, this is weird, i feel like i'm home, i feel like i've been trying to get here my whole life. maybe it's getting time to go back home..........