Friday, December 05, 2003

i'm gonna touch on past lives again. sometimes i wonder if they are true or not. my mother? let me tell you about my mother, Boom (lol a line one one of my favorite movies). anyway my mother was a staunch catholic, as was her parents and their parents before them. however, despite this upbringing she believed in ghosts, voodoo, and past lives. how i don't know, all three were disreguarded as pagan in the church. so maybe that is where i got my curiosity from.

once when i was a child i remember crying out to my mother in the night. i had to go pee, but i was too afraid of the dark to get out of bed, but too afraid of embarressment to pee in my bed, so i cried out in the night. soon my mother appeared at my door. her silken robe blowing in the breeze. she said what is wrong my child? i told her, and she said hurry. we didn't have night lights when i was a child, but i distincly remember i soft blue glow in the room and the hall. now here is the freaky part. there was a path from my bed to the bathroom compised of small aniamals; puppies, kittens, squirrels, bunnys, birds and more. when i woke the next day i asked my mother about it. she told me she didn't get out of bed all night. my guardian angel perhaps? a ghost? i asked my mother again sometime later in life, my early teens i think. this time i was able to describe in greater detail what happened that night. she told me with a wonderful expression that she thought in was the Virgin Mary, because she prayed at night for her to watch over me.

so past lives. i have often wondered, was i a soldier? it might explain my yearning for comabt. it might explain my level headedness in difficult situations. it might explain my tendencies to take contol. or not. or it might come from watching the movie Patton too many times. sometimes i think i may have been a common man. a metal worker through the ages perhaps? if you imagine hard enough, you can imagine yourself doing just about anything.
i wonder if my life is a dream. i wonder if the summers in europe were a dream. did i really march on the the arc de' triumph that hot day in july? march to the top and stand victoriously overlooking paris? did i really dance in the streets of amsterdam, ride the trians in frankfurt drunk, holding onto a pretty german girl for fear i would lose her forever if i let go? what about that night on the metro? were there german soldiers sleping next to me? did i really see a cowboy puppet show?
this is making me think of past lives. can you really re-write your own history? history is always recored by the victors. can i be victorious over my own life?

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

well tonight i have a date with my sweetie. but as usaul i may be trying to sabotage myself. it seems i have developed a bit of chest congestion. aside from that i have no idea what to do. if this was a date with a stranger i would suggest going to the bar and having a few drinks. however the place i would suggest is a place that is frequented by both my sweetie and myself on a regular basis. and i would imagine it might be no different than any other night of just hanging out. i would like to have a creative nice eveing, but all i want to do right now is take a nap.
on a side note, makes me think of something. the difference between hanging out and a date. what exactly is the difference? you wanna go out? ok. is that a date or just hanging out?

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

things are getting better. i have knuckled down and begun finding solutions to problems. i have made conscience effort to clean, and keep clean the places i have begun on.
aside from that , i got a new truck on friday, an 84 GMC.
and on sunday i bought a 72 triumph in fair condition. Queenie is convinced it's her bike. but only time will tell. i have to get the thing running first.
more updates later as things progress.