Wednesday, February 18, 2004

I'm learning, i really am....

i don't even know where to start today. my day to day life has become seemingly insignificant in light of the world, specifically iraq. yesterday i found a blog from iraq. from there i linked to several others. i was captivated. i read, went back and read many weeks and sometime months of posts from begining to end. i can't even comprehend the things i have read. what i can understand is something i have known for a long time. no matter where you go in this world everything is the same. people are the same. they go about their lives trying to do the best they can to provide for themselves and their families. i could argue that occasioally an individual has a misguided idea of what is good for their families. I could argue alot of things, but today my heart is heavy knowing that someone just like me is sitting in front of a computer not much different than the one i am in in front of, not knowing when the electricity will go out and if they can finish their post. not knowing what the explosion outside was. not knowing that their family is safe. not knowing the certainty of their future. the personal future and the future of a counrty they love.
one of the blogs i read a family member was kidnapped and held for ransom. for over a week he was gone. and the family had to pay the ransom to get him, back. they had to pay because the police are corrupt and often involved, and the american military does not get involved. can't get invovled. they don't know if they will be a detained by the soldiers at the next check point because their beard is too long or the color dress was wrong. i worry about having money for drinks and frivolous items that occupy our daily lives, they worry about bombs and gasoline and kersosene and water.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Screwed blued and tattooed.
i got a new tattoo on friday, friday the 13th of febuary. all i got was a simple 13. about an inch tall, red and black. took all of 30mins to get. i also had one touched up. i got the new tattto on my left arm right above an old one i got on the last friday the 13th. i was hoping to get more, but it took along time before i could get my turn and when i did, i was feeling the effects of 9 days of work and decidied to just get the one, to mark the day. a long time ago i decided that i would get full sleaves, but i was not going to get them all at once. i would get them as time and money allowed. i also made the decision that i would not get tattoos willy nilly with no ryhme or reason. the tattoos i would get on my left arm would be ones of places i've been, things i have done and how i see the world. the ones on my right arm would be how i perceive the world sees me or how i want the world to see me. so far so good. but if you've ever seen my tatoos and you know me, well you know that i'm still heading in the right direction and not too far from my mark. so anyway i got another 13 friday.
saturday i had a date with queenie. but she didn't get off work till late. and it turned out to be not much different than any other saturday night out. i stood at the bar doing shots and drinking beer, while she paraded around in her new party dress.
saturday night was supposed to be a one last stand, a remember the alamo night. instead she drove me home, like always, and we sat up till god knows when talking. but given that there was a time we would stay up all night talking it fits right in with our realtionship.
sunday i got called into work at noon. a shot of jager and a hot cup of coffee and i was able to stop my head from pounding enough that i could count money. after 7 hours of doing shots with the rest of the west 7th crew, all trying to get rid of their hangovers and forget the money they spent on their girls, i was no longer tring to get rid of my hangover but trying to function as a bartender. the combination of alchohol, exhastion and depression was too much for my brain to handle and when a girl asked if i wanted to go to a dance club with her and her friends i said yes. so off to vivid. i don't have much memory of the night. i drank, i danced, i did more shots. then i thought i was lost, then i was found. next thing i know i'm in a truck heading home. home being the bar. i got back, paid my tab and went to sleep in the sound booth. next thing i know i was called out of sluber into another truck and there i was, standing on my front porch, fumbling with my keys to get in the door.
monday i made spaghetti, cookies and ate ice cream.

Monday, February 16, 2004

wow, i don't even know whee to begin this. i had along weekend. it rained it snowed. i drank i fought i danced i loved i don't even know what i have i done. i made money and i spent it. i'll have to get back to you on this i ahev to go lay back down.