Its just you and me kid...............
well last night was a complete bust, not one single solitary person showed up for the party last night. i am getting tired of hearing promises of coming to one of my parties and then getting no shows. two people called and said they would try,one had car troubles and the other was working, but they were called back and told not to bother that no one else had shown up yet. well i decided last night that i am not nearly as cool as i thought i was, and that this is the end. From here on out no more parties, no more Patio Kings. this i say with a heavy heart. simply because i enjoyed it sooo much. but since my bike is down, and has been for nearly a year now, i get called less and less for outings. and with summer quickly approaching i know that the infrequent call will get more and more infrequent. but ya know? fuck'em!!! i don't need them. if they were as good of freinds as they thought they were, they would not have stopped calling. last weekend i even tried to get involved a little bit, i asked the guy with the extra bike if i could borrow it to go riding with everyone. did they call, NO. did they go riding? YES. so i say again FUCK THEM. if this continues i may have to start taking medication again, and well i can't afford it. so i'll prolly end up self medicating again. Jager,Beam and Beer. it worked for awhile, but it never works for the long haul. last time i self medicated i lost a wife, a girlfriend and damn near lost my life and liberty. but i guess it doesn't really matter. for along time now i have always been the one guy who could be counted on. but here as of late, it seems people are only my friend when they need something. it just makes me remember when i figured out no one in this life would help me but me. last time i tried to start my own buisness i got alot of excuses from those who offered help. my own family even didn't believe in me enough to help. ya know, fuck everybody. i made it pretty damn far by-myself and i'll continue to make my own way by MYSELF. i'll make my own rules and play the game the way i see fit. and if anybody want to come along, the can go to hell, they should have been there when i needed it.
i wonder if any of this has to do with not having many friends in school. at one time i thought that part of my life was over. seems i should have taken that as a clue to how my life would be......"is life always this hard or is it just when your a kid? always like this."