ok, i have done some preliminary reasesrch, nothing yet. other than the hanging garden of Babylon

last night i was wondering about the war in Iraq. watching images for a commercial for CNN. the thought crossed my mind of how many times in history has an army invaded iraq and occupied Bahgdad. it seems to me that reguardless of the US military might, and the weakness of Iraq, this was quite a feat.

the maker of magic, the birth place of freedom.
today i am pondering the corrulation between a countries military might and coffee. After the first war with Iraq i heard many stories of soldiers not wanting to take prisoners due to lack of coffee.Us soldiers did not want to give there coffee to the Iraqi POWS. which would lead me to believe that Iraq did not have any coffee to provide their troops with. so this i give you to ponder. Had the iraqis had good coffee, would the drive to Baghdad have been so short? Would Naploeans troops been able to withstand the hard russian winter that fatefull year had they had good coffee? not just any coffee, but real good, to die for Coffee?(pun intended)

Yesterdays cup with todays coffee

This is photo of todays coffe cup.

Well it was quite a weekend to say the least. Started off on thrusday. bought a new mattresss. a nice plush soft one. it was delivered on friday. i spent most of friday going and laying down on the bed for a few moments, then getting back up and continuing my days activities. went to work then decided that i wanted to get a new tattoo, photos to follow soon. and then on saturday went to Byblos(sp?) lebonese restaraunt, not very impressed, but still had a good meal and a good time. it was nice to take the princess out for dinner. after that went out to the wreck of course, then came home and crawled into our snuggly fluffy bed. after spending about $1500 for the weekend, decided to stay in on sunday.

reverse cowgirl

grrrrr, everything is loading sooooo slow. damn i want a faster connection, today everything is moving slow, i want to be able to zing in and out of websites with reckless abandon, instead i have to sit and wait, much like the people in ads for broadband.

Well here's pic of my computer. last week sometime i saw 'One Hour Photo'. first off i'd like to say, creepy. secondly the character that robin williams plays make a statement, i think in voiceover, that people only take picstures of things they want to remember. nobody takes pics of everyday things or bad things only happy things. more people should take pictures of everyday life. i have also begiun to read 'reverse cowgirl' who more often than not has picutes of mudane things on her site. so with that in mind, and armed with a digital camara, i have begun to take more documertary pics of my life. some will be posted here, some will be posted elsewhere.

well it would seem i have some new readers. welcome to the corner of my mind, and and welcome to the patio. grab a beer, pick a chair and enjoy your stay. feel free to leave comments.

nope i wanted to thank George

I hate to burst your bubble, but I think you should be thanking Merle, not George, but I could be wrong.

.............i wish Coke was still cola, and a joint was a bad place to be..........

i have had this song suck in my head all day. and not really the whole song just this part of it. thank you George for reminding me of my lost youth as well.

just wanted to drop in and say hi

ok i think i got this thing close to where i want it for now. but we will see what happens

i'm gonna start changing his one around soon

Reluctantly crouched at the starting line,
Engines pumping and thumping in time.
The green light flashes, the flags goes up,
Churning and burning, they yern for the cup.

They deftly manouver and muscle for rank,
Fuel burning fast on an empty tank,
Wreckless and wild they pour thru the turns,
Their prowless is podent and secretly stern.

As they speed thru the finish the flags go down.
The fans get up, and get out of town.
The arena is empty except for one man,
Still driving and striving as fast as he can

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup,
But he's driving and striving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.

He's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
She's all alone, all alone in her time of need.

Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.
He's going the distance.

Yeah!

No trophy, no flowers, no flash bulbs, no wine.
He's haunted by something he cannot define.
Bowel shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse,
Assail him, impale him with monster truck force.
In his mind he's still driving, still making the grade.
She's hoping time that her memories will fade,
Cause he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup.
But he's striving and driving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.

Cause he's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
She's all alone, all alone in her time of need.

Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's figting and biting and riding on his horse,
He's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's figting and biting and riding on his horse!

He's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
He's going the distance...

i want a nice house. i watch HGTV constantly along with most current home makeover in a day/weeknd surprize/whileyouwerout/cribcrashed/youdidn't knowiwasgoingtoremakeourliving/bed/bathroom/kitchen. and now i must add monster house to the list. i really don't know why i watch these things but i do. i have from time to time implemented ideas i have seen on these shows into my house, but rarely i have the money or take the time to make the kitchy/crafty things.
i want a house with soft blue and grey walls, beige and green. i want a house that looks like a movie. i want to live the "good life". but i live in the barrio, and i rent. so i don't want to do anything to the house that i can't take with me or will cost too much. i am also reluctant to put money into a house that i know i will never get back. even if it was my own house, the neighborhood i live in will not bear the level of living i desire. concrete and stone,chrome and stainless steel, dark wood and plush upholstry. the neighborhood would accept the nice oak cabinets that my landlord installed, but not the cherry craftsman style with glass fronts i desire, or do i want maple?
i miss my old house terribly. i miss the feeling of the cold slate under my feet in the morning. the cool tile under my hand as i lean on the counter and peer out my window pondering the days upcoming activities. the warm, soft, well worn wood flooring in the living room. the soft green walls and linen curtains.
i miss living in a neighborhood that would appreciate the improvements i make to a home. not the neighborhood where gangster wannabes hang out across my street drinking 40's and wishing they were cool. (i wonder if they like Eminem?) i miss living in a respected and desireable neighborhood,instead of the established one i now reside. i may be painting a bleak picture of my surroundings. i live amongst hard working people. people who love their home and do the best they can. many of whom will never know monetary wealth, for whom everyday is a struggle to make a better life for themselves and their children. people like me. who are doing the best they can the best way they know how. good people. however they try the will never get beyond this barrio/barrier.
will i? i don't know. i yearn to break free, yet i can't seem to get far enough to even see what it is i'm trying to break away to.
i desire to have the pleasure of home ownership again.
for cool stone floors and warm inviting walls. a place to call home.

woke up quick, at about noon.............
well i didn't have to be in compton but my head was all stuffy and my nose was running pretty good. and well i knew i should take some medicine to make me feel better. so i got up and well i left the cold medicine in my truck, all i can say is damn was it bright this morning. damn near blinded me walking to my truck. oh well got the goods and now i'm back inside. i took the pills, but i'm not feeling as good as normal when i'm sick and take them.

as he entered the dark garage he confidently walked to his bike, zipping up his jacket and putting on his gloves. he swung one leg over the seat and fumbled with the key switch, it stuck from time to time and required a light touch to make it turn. once the ignition was turned on, he reached down and tickled each carburator to give a little extra gas for starting. reaching down with his right hand he pulled the kick starting pedal out with a reassuring click letting him know it was firmly locked into place. he picked up his heavy boot from the cool damp pavement below bringing it to rest on the kicker. in one fluid motion he twisted open the throttle and brought his weight to bear on the quiet engine. in the same instant the engine roared to life. while letting the bike gently warm he double checked his gloves and cinched his jacket a little tighter, adjusted his wieght on the machine, and slid his dark glasses down over his eyes. after returning the kicker pedal to its home postion, he moved the transmission into 1st gear. while letting the clutch out with one hand he began to accelerate with the other, out of the garage into the street and gone into the bright sunshine, the exhaust rising and falling with the shifting of gears, fading into the day.

that sucked you didn't get to dj, you even had ppl come out to see you...maybe this week?

i'm really bummed that i didn't get to Dj last night. not only did i go and buy a new CD player for last night, i had a great theme i my head. i was gonna try and do the whole night of bad women, or just songs about women in general. i was figuring on doing alot of country, oh well i guess i'll save it for another time. i just hope i'm in the mood when the next night comes around.

Last night I broke the seal on a Jim Beam decanter
That looks like Elvis
I soaked the label off a Flintstone Jelly Bean jar
I cleared us off a place on that one little table
that you left us
And pulled me up a big ole piece of floor

I pulled the head off Elvis
Filled Fred up to his pelvis
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
And so are you

'Round about 10 we all got to talking
'Bout Graceland, Bedrock and such
The conversation finally turned to women
But they said they didn't get around too much
Elvis said, "Find 'em young"
And Fred said "Old Fashioned girls are fun"
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
And so are you

Later on it finally hit me
That you wouldn't be 'a comin' home no more
'Cause this time I know you won't forgive me
Like all of them other times before
Then I broke Elvis' nose
Pouring the last drop from his toes
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
And so are you
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
Andso are you

Last night I broke the seal on a Jim Beam decanter
That looks like Elvis
I soaked the label off a Flintstone Jelly Bean jar.........

well not much is going on these days. just working and partying. went out last night and had a full blown panic attack. went out with the princess last night to Kareoke with her friends. all was to be well and good. but however i have not felt more outa place in along time. i just didn't belong there. i ended up haveing a horrible time, and on top of it i was paying outrageous drink prices. somewhere in there i began to feel insecure as well, and well my insecurities where fueled by feeling outa place. then bam next thing i know i'm having a panic/anxiety attack.

ok my dream last night/this morn was pretty weird. it was much like the Paris dream except this time i was supposed to be in Bagdad. allthought it did not look like bagdad, it looked like a old european city, with the exception of everythign being written in ariabic. there was skinny wet streets, and old grey buildings. everywhere i went there where american flags. and hand painted signs welcoming american troops. i remember going into a church, the church was massive, and brilliantly adorned. the odd thing about this church was in the front of the church was a several hundred year old piano. the odd thing was the piano, legs and all, was carved from a solid peice of marble. it was carved very romanesque, and we were told it took along time to get it to resonate like a wood one. then there more narrow streets and rain. for some reason my travling comapions and i had to get to a store onthe other side of town. nobody believed that i knew where i was going, but i proved them wrong when we finally arrived at our destination. from there we had to wind our way back across the city to a party. but i had to go to the hospital because my shoulder was hurting. when i got to see the doctor, he told me my shoulder hurt because i had been drinking and driving, then he told me he called the police to arrest me. i argued that he had no proof that i was drinking, he told me my hurt shoulder was proof enough.
then i woke up.

Last Cigarette - Dramarama (138 bpm, 4:25)
----------------------------------------------------------


Hey hey it's been so long since I have writhed with opinion
Oh its sharper than a sabor I don't feel like Earl Flinn
Got no computer I can't type the letter M
You know this song aint right I guess I better start again

Well I can tell this fellow is hungry got a dozen mouths to feed
He asks for money for a bus pass and my heart beats
I throw him a dollar is exactly what he needs to get another jug of thunder
But that not all he's asking for...

Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Ohhhhhhhowhoooooo ohwohwoahaohwhoooooo ahwohohhhooooo....

I know it's killing me, yeah I know its killing me
yeah I know its killing me, yeah i know I know I know I know I know I know..
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed

Shut up!

Its getting late you got to get the kitten fed
You got to kiss the little woman, put the children into bed
Check the sports and weather and a liven and a yeah yeah
You don't have to hear the headlines you can hear what Jonny Carson said

Oh mister sand man won't you listen to me please
I'm saying, I'll stay in bed but I'll pretend I'm on my knees and praying
One for my hunger and another for greenie..
Just forget about my end and all and give me what I need I need a

Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
ohoaowhaohwhoooo hwohaohwohoooo h howhwohooooo..........

I know its killing me, I know its killing me, I know its killing me
Yeah I know I know I know I know I know I know ....
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
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this is still a little quirky for me. i'm not totally used to writing out my thought. usally my thoughts are just notes on scraps of paper just to figure out math or suplies that i need to get. but after reading my archives it seems that i have more to say than i thought i did.

my dog is a nut. sometimes i just don't understand him. maybe that's why i'm a human and not a dog.

not much going on these days. just plodding along. i think i may have taken too much time off work this month. it's been weird lately. it seems that every other month is good and every other month is bad. i'lll work for damn near a month starigh, then take some time off, then bamm i'm no longer caught up and then i gotta bust my ass to catch up. i guess one of these days i'll get around to better manging my time and money

so, i tried again for the umteenth time to start a FOD but alas this time it won't let me write in the damn thing. wel i guess i'll just stick to this one.

Cramp and Flamtrick Subs, nuf said!

nuthing to say today

well it's another wednesday. it's raining. i have been working on the house for close to a week. the landlord wants to inspect the property. i know i shouldn't be worried but for some reason i am. it may be a sub-conscience memory of military inspections. where everything had to be perfect. i'm worried that i'm supposed to have an outside dog, and i have an inside dog, because when i put him out, he gets out of the yard. i keep blocking his egress but he finds more. when i lock him in the house, he eats it. the house that is. so far i have replaced everysingle mini-blind int he entire house at least twice, some three or four times. on top of that the carpet is destroyed. my only saving grace was it was in poor condition when i moved in 1 1/2 years ago. my last worry is that i have a roomate i am not supposed to have.
i don't really know why i am worried. when i pay the rent, which i have been only late three times, twice my fault;for which i called everytime, i have paid the rent on time and in cash. i don't know why i am woried. he has been the most accomadating and helpful landlord i have ever had. besides whats he gonna do? give me demerits? make me work weekends?
an hour later
well everything went fine. he didn't even come past the living room hallway, and was complentary of my work to the hard wood floors. then we stood on the front porch and BS'ed for another 45mins. whew. i don't know why i even woried. the good thing is i made repairs to almost everything my dog has destroyed. and i now have a clean house to live in for the moment. i say moment because i know, if i don't keep on top of things, like i promise everytime i clean the house, that it will become the pigstie the i allow myself to live in.

so hows everybody today? i'm supposed to be going to work, but somehow i don't feel like it. it's supposed to be my day off, but instead i volenteered to assist with the remodel of the bar. but i take respite in knowing that it cannot be done with out me. oh well. i have alot of thoughts in my head, but unfortunatly most of these thoughts happen while driving so not only am i not able to post them, i'm not able to even record them in any way shape or form. oh well
i've been wanting to do some painting, but i never sem to make the time. i would'nt even know what to paint really. i have a few ideas, but a blank canvas is much like this blog. i have all these great ideas, but when push come to shove, i go blank. sometimes if i stare att he canvas long enough it tells me what it wants to be.
i'm looking forward to redoing the extra bedroom. maybe i can sqeeze my easel and table in a corner somewhere between a book shelf and the computer.

i was trying to write in my other blog, but dice IM'ed me and i lost it all. i almost deleted the whole post.

well. i went out last night and got stupid drunk. i have been doing this more and more often. i think i need to scale it back some. i think i am hurting others and i have more to think of than myself. i am embarressed of my actions last night. i did nothing terrible wrong mind you. i just didn't do anything right either. i chose to saty out, and in doing so i put myself in a postion to not be able to drive. thankfully i had some people around that did not let me drive.

i was wondering if i should go back to story writing

i had a bunch more stuff to say but i seemed to have forgotten again. i'm glad i was able to say some things though. but i guess i'll find out in the future what the effects of my actions/words will be

where is this going? do you really love me? or am i just convienient? along time ago we met, and we began a relationhip. some where along the way we chose each other for comfort. we chose each other to be the first on the call list, last on the call list.
we started just "hanging out"
crap i had all this stuff in my head before i could log on.
now it is gone
you had him and i had me/her
we were just hangin out
we ejoyed the time spent together
we chose to spend more time togther
we took it slow
we told each other everything
did we tell too much?
are we still just hanging out?
do we have a future?
you mentioned one time that you fucked it up. do you still think that? did you choose me because your parents approved? did you choose me because you thought your parents would approve? did you choose me because your parents chose me?
do you still love him?
you mentioned that an ancient sand scrit word described sex with him. a word that described true bonding. yet you tell me that you do not think of him now? or try not to. if i had not been there would someone else have been? or would you be with him despite opinion?
you told me when we spoke for the first time that you where a professional heartbreaker,and i told you it didn't matter because my heart was already broken.
i wanted you to want me.
i wanted you to not want any other
did i want to prove that you could not break my heart?
you where easily tempted away, are you still so easily tempted?
where is this going?
you have never lied to me that i know of, yet i do not trust you.
or is my mistrust a way of guarding my heart?
we agreed that what happened before would stay before. i think i know why it can't let it be.
these were not before me, they where WHILE me.
and it makes me wonder. why them instead of me? why did she call them that night and not me? if i had answered my phone that night would things be differnt? i answered my phone or returned phone calls as quickly and as practical as possible. if i had made myself more available would things be differnent?
i was crushed to find out someone else was rushin to your side when you where sick. i wanted to be the galent hero with the bowl of soup and sud-a-fed.

[ took a walk around the world to
Ease my troubled mind
I left my body laying somewhere
In the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark
Side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
I watched the world float to the
Dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something
To do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end
IF I GO CRAZY THEN WILL YOU STILL
CALL ME SUPERMAN
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side with
My superman might
Kryptonite
You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
Never let you down
You stumbled in and BUMPED YOUR HEAD, if
Not for me then you would be dead
I PICKED YOU UP AND PLACED YOU BACK
ON SOLID GROUND
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side with my
Superman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!!
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side with
My superhuman
Kryptonite]
we told each other an awful lot. but now i believe more than before, that what i don't know won't hurt me
i asked to read your journels, expecting a resonding no. but you said yes.
i asked to read your journels hoping to find passages about me. i only found a refernce or two. barely a mention of my name once, only in passing. was i a secret? too dark to mention even to the blank pages? little lone to your mind? but i also found page after page of others. some before, some after. i wish i had never read them. but now i am captivated. i still search for my name or an joyous event that i can say, "hey that's me!"
i remember knowing your arrival time at the airport, and not 15 mins after arrival my phone began to ring, and ring and ring. i remeber hearing you say how important i was to you. i remeber hearing your tears drop onto the phone. why can i not let this go? as you put it I won. but i didn't know it was a contest.
................................................................................................................................................................................................
i may have just bitten off more than i can chew.............................................................................................................................

shopping list for some time in the future....
Drain-o
Tuna(do they sell those in 55 gal drums?)
bread(we always seem to run out of bread
Self-esteem(can you have enough of it?)

it sure got cold after the rain fell.........
well it looks like the we are in the final stages of the war. how long this will last who knows. i suspect this will go on for a few more days or weeks. i hope it ends soon, and that we don't end up mired in sniper fire in Baghdad.

and yeah, i know the channel is ALWAYS changed when i get home.

so does anybody have any comments?

WAR, porn and coffee!
for some reason i am infatuated with the war. in the past few weeks i have cried, laughed and been bored outa my mind. i can't seem to turn it off. i have had this affliction with live news for some time now. i used to sleep with the TV on so i wouldn't miss anything. i remember being awakened by the world trade center bombing. i'm afraid that if i turn off the TV i'll miss something. Hell i was in heaven yesterday. Before anyone showed up i tuned all the televisions in the bar to different news stations. it was quite neat to see all teh differnt covarge of the same thing.

i have been hearing some small snipits of news that seems encouraging. i don't know what to make of them other than take them for what they are. i heard that some Iraqi prisioners where surprized to find out they were not going to be injected with poisen and killed. apparently they they had been told this be senior iraqi military.
a woman and small girl approached us military and asked if the US was really on there side. of course they said yes, the two then returned to where the came.

sidenote. while typing this and writing to others i have noticed that armed conflict and tragady termnioligy have alot of 'i's and 'o's. just a thought.

day whatever of the war. I have been getting some encouraging emails from my brother. he is safe and sound. i know that the further we push into iraq the safer he gets. also got a pic of him today out on patrol. pretty cool pic.

well we are in the fourth day of the war.
i'm getting tired of seeing protesting. i can't help but feeling that i should be there. i feel like i missed the last war, and i'm missing this one. alot of my peers are prior military, alot of them saw action in the gulf last time round. i have had several people ask me a question only to say well never mind you were there wern't you? and i have to say no. i am very proud of my military record. i am very proud of where and how i served. but i spent my entire time at home base. many of my counterparts had a involvment in operations, but i never got to go.
most genarations have a war of there time. i have had at least two. but just like the last war with Iraq i'm sitting on the sidelines.
i remember when we went to bosnia, i worked 14 hour days preparing equipment fore shipment. i didn't have to, but i wanted to. i also vollenteered to go, but i was not needed. so i got to sit on the sidelines. i got to paint alot of equipment. i got to make stencils, to mark vehicles as part of the peace force. but i wanted to go. i wanted to help. i guess i could be satisfied with the knowledge that i was needed were i was. and that i was an asset to the unit. it makes me laugh, when i was a memeber of the primary deployment team, i couldn't be deployed to the balkins because i was on the primary team and i was needed in case a real war happend. funny huh?
oh well..... i guess i 'll go back to watching bombs being dropped on bahgdad

Patrick and the Princess rode the evening train into the city. The sun was still peeking above the horizon, spewing golden streams of light thru the clouds and the city glistened from the afternoon rain. She had never been to the city before and Patrick was eager to show her the renowned City of lights. Fortunate for him the setting sun was the perfect start to the night, with its glow spread upon the worn and broken streets. Shades of gold and yellow in sharp contrast to the dark shadows that held the thoughts of the night captive in their grasp. This was the magical time of the day. Where day and night meet, shake hands, and trade our hopes for our dreams.
As they got closer to the depths of the city, He began to point out landmarks and visages of eras gone by. These things seemed of no interest to her, for she was here not to see the sights, but to find the dark underbelly of the city. She was there to find not the bright light of the city, but to find out where these lights came from. Who was the man who flipped the switch? Who was the woman behind the lights?
Arriving in the main train station they waited for the train to stop, and the doors to open. The rhythmic clack-clack of the train had dulled the senses, making her mind reel when she stepped on the platform. The sounds and smells came rushing to meet her, and almost overwhelmed her perception. This was her first time to experience this explosion of sensory overload. The smell of perfume and food mingled with diesel fumes and grease.

i remember soldiers sleeping next to me,riding on the metro.............
last night we went to paris. rode trains and i showed you the dark depths of the city. i remember dark wet streets, and soft rain. tunnenels and bridges. we were on tour, or had someplace to go. i showed you the original statue of liberty, and it was so small and negeleted.(maybe a subconscience take on liberty in europe)

drive by!!!! : *

once ther was a show on HBO about a guy who grew up being babysat by the TV. he ralated his whole life to TV. it was funny. someone would say something to him, and he would flash a scene from an old TV show. sometimes i think this happens to me. but not so narrow minded. sometimes bits and pieces of songs,movies and TV often come to mind. here recently it has been songs.

note to self. when getting a refill of coffee, take cup to coffee pot.

so i am sitting here watching 'Flatliners'. after working on two movies and witnessing two others, i can't help but think, man i bet that scene took forever to setup. the colors and lighting in this movie are incredible, alot of differnt colors and alot of changing color mid-scene. it must have taken all day to set up some of these shoots. another funny thing is i can look at amovie and have a pretty good idea of what lights were used. i'm still trying to figure out if particapating in the magic of movies has jaded me towards movies. i seem to only notice lighting when the movie bores me.......or i have seen it a few times.

blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah,blah.

well damn, i had this long post about the pleasure of napping and my computer burped when i posted. lost the whole thing

judging by the UN report this morning it appears that the weapons inspectors believe that Iraq is currently in compliance, but there is still evidence of prohibited activity, and it will take years to complete inspections and for iraq to become fully disarmed and be in compliance......i don't know. i was having a hard time figuring it all out. was Hans Blix saying that more action needed to ba taken or that they need more time......i don't know.

quite a bit of partying this week. i think i may have to take a day or two off.

that's the pot calling the kettle black don't you think. you are so stubborn you don't let people remindl you what a wonderful person you truly are. i'm sorry i got mad at you.

everybody wants to talk and nobody wants to listen. and when you don't want to listen and you do not want to talk, they get all bent outa shape. FUCK OFF!

Its just you and me kid...............
well last night was a complete bust, not one single solitary person showed up for the party last night. i am getting tired of hearing promises of coming to one of my parties and then getting no shows. two people called and said they would try,one had car troubles and the other was working, but they were called back and told not to bother that no one else had shown up yet. well i decided last night that i am not nearly as cool as i thought i was, and that this is the end. From here on out no more parties, no more Patio Kings. this i say with a heavy heart. simply because i enjoyed it sooo much. but since my bike is down, and has been for nearly a year now, i get called less and less for outings. and with summer quickly approaching i know that the infrequent call will get more and more infrequent. but ya know? fuck'em!!! i don't need them. if they were as good of freinds as they thought they were, they would not have stopped calling. last weekend i even tried to get involved a little bit, i asked the guy with the extra bike if i could borrow it to go riding with everyone. did they call, NO. did they go riding? YES. so i say again FUCK THEM. if this continues i may have to start taking medication again, and well i can't afford it. so i'll prolly end up self medicating again. Jager,Beam and Beer. it worked for awhile, but it never works for the long haul. last time i self medicated i lost a wife, a girlfriend and damn near lost my life and liberty. but i guess it doesn't really matter. for along time now i have always been the one guy who could be counted on. but here as of late, it seems people are only my friend when they need something. it just makes me remember when i figured out no one in this life would help me but me. last time i tried to start my own buisness i got alot of excuses from those who offered help. my own family even didn't believe in me enough to help. ya know, fuck everybody. i made it pretty damn far by-myself and i'll continue to make my own way by MYSELF. i'll make my own rules and play the game the way i see fit. and if anybody want to come along, the can go to hell, they should have been there when i needed it.
i wonder if any of this has to do with not having many friends in school. at one time i thought that part of my life was over. seems i should have taken that as a clue to how my life would be......"is life always this hard or is it just when your a kid? always like this."

every night seems to be the same thing day in and day out. i want this i want that. but come morning time all is forgotten and i go and do what i'm told to do. why can't i seem to get motivated to do what needs to be done..........

toooooniiiiiiiight the bottle, leeet mee doown

so i had a weird dream wake me up tonight, the funny part is it not that wierd at all, except the peolpe i was with would not leave me alone long enought to talk buisness. in the dream, i get turned on to a Benigans that will be closing in a few days, the bar is separate from the restuaraunt, and this guy mario tells me about it. says he can get me the space. it sounds perfect. all i got to do is buy paint and likker. but alas i wake up before anything can take place.
so in my sleepless state i start thinking of places to rent. i think about at tiny little place(where you could lose your face) that is an old abandoned gas station. it would be just wide eonough for a row of barstools. i could call it "the Elbow" i dunno then i start thinking of a clothing store. the i wonder why i even bother. sometimes i feel like i am destined to work for others my whole life. i do my best work when i'm doing it for someone else. i always make sure i can be counted on, and i try real hard not to let people down, but why do i always let myself down.....

nuthing to see here today, move along now

:P

i think my dog is part cat the way he lays on the back of the couch to look out the window

OK, so i had another wierd dream last night. this time i rented a truck, a big flat bed truck, which is not all that wierd in it self, but was weird is that it looked like a regular truck, but the sleeper compartment was the size of a small mobile home, but it was like a maze almost. for some reason we parked it on a college parking lot. when we came back the next day, it was like a party had taken place , there were cans and bottles everywhere, and lots of trash. it looked like some one tried to steal the whirlpool tub. yeah weird i know, what's a whirlpool tub doing in a truck! there was also some sort of kids party, at like a game center or something, and there was a game where i could drive a big truck, but all the kids wanted to play it and i scolded by parents for hogging the game. but there was another party going on in the building, but it was in the back somewhere, and i had to go thru a maze to get to it. then driving home there was wreck on the freeway and we couldn't get on were we wanted so we had to navigate the myriad of roazds and ramps in dallas traffic to get where we were going. there was alot of "mazes" to navigate last night. just plain weird. there was lots of bright colors too

I will find your alter ego, oh yes, I will.

So i had a weird dream last night, i was in an old highrise wharehouse, and i was taking the freight elevators to the top, but the elevator would only go up a few floors then i had to walk across floor to another elevator. once i got to the top i found out that the building wasn't abandoned at all. it was bustling with activity. so doing what i do best i made my way around like i belonged. Queenie was suddenly with me, and we saw that there was a whole abandoned town on top of the building, almost like an old ghost town. we were standing there looking at the old city and the new city skyline around us. from one window you could see the entire skyline. even the buildings that should have been behind us. we saw an area that looked like an employee break area, and thought we would go over and say hello to some people i recognized. just about then she said,"did you see that guy with the gun?" and i looked up and saw i guy running past the window with what looked like a pistol in his hand. then i looked closer and saw him and another guy get into a van, the other guy had an assault rifle and i said " like that guy?" next thing i know we are runnning around the building to get into ourtruck, and get the hell outa there. as we get to the truck we have someone else with us and we get in the truck, and watch the van start speeding down the mountain road to the bottom of the building.[????] so we start to follow them down the mountain and anaother truck pulls up yelling not to worry that they just want to get out of there tooo and nuthing would happen to us, they were just trying to get out. but the guy has a gun and is holding on to the side of the truck, so as we head down the road it has a drop off oon the passengerside, so just at the right moment queenie vears that direction sending the other truck into the ditch. i yell at her to keep driving cuz if they didn't completley crash out they would be after us........then i woke up. there was som other dreams about bartending, and fighting, and the air force but i don't remember them too well. i just remember thinking how weird it was for a building to be a moutain.

there's a guy whos been awake since the second world war

so my computer is screwwed, and i don't know what i did. all i know is that all teh pics from the party could possibley be gone. oh well, i guess i didn't need them anyway. i read a story yesterday about a woman who decided shew didn't need photgraphs, it would only give her something to look at when she gets old, now she can concentrate on more importatnt things like where her damn slippers are.......

i'm thinking that i need to renew my sub to 'this old house' magazine, simply for the fact that it seems the articles seems to come out at the right time every time, for example, when i was replacing the toilet, or thinking aboout it, the new issue had a section on plumbing, floors, yep, next issue showed up just before i was about to emabrk, today? take a guess? After getting all my stuff outa storage, and packing my Garage to the ceiling, new issue of this TOH has an article on storage solutions for your garage.

i wish there was something i could say that would make it all better. i have a few things to say on the matter, but right know it doesn't seem to come out right everytime i type it. give me a few moments to meditate on it and i'll give you my two cents.

i have alot of ideas in my head right now... and i don't quite know what to say. Recently racism has reared it's ugly head in my life again. i made a conscience decesion to not tolorate in my life. and it seems that a of late i have been tolorateing it. apparently i have been told this, that i am allowing people around me to use slurs in my presence. i remember there was a day that i would make a comment if i heard something i didn't like, but i while working as a mechanic, i grew weary of trying to fight it, and i guess i grew callosed also. i figured tht these where old men who's minds were so closed that i could nothing to change them. but i still cringe when i hear slurs, and i even cringe when i think the words i do.
I think alot of it has to do with the enviroment that i have put myself into. it seems that the type of music i like and the type of cars i like have attracted a large number of former skinheads. and don't even get me started on non-racist skins, if you dress like a NAZI you will be labeled as a NAZI. I have evenheard as of late some folks trying to justify themselves by saying they are sepratists, not racist. and i'm not buying it. aarrrrrggggggg i can't evven think straight right now.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!! <<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>

Well i finally got around to adding comments to my blog. i can't believe that some ham fisted mechainc/bartender was able to manipulate HTML. A very special thanks to Norasake for her help

Ok here is the revised copy, i did some spell check and i did also revised some of the grammer. as wll as change a few words around to make things read better

5800 hundred miles to go, I want to be sedated……...
August 16th, 9:14am Saturday morning, the alarm blaring in my ear telling me it was time to get going. We woke up late and had a lot to do today. But, coffee first. Then find my smokes. Move slowly to the kitchen, and make coffee. Ah, sweet, sweet coffee, the stuff that fills your lungs with aroma, your mouth with flavor, and you body with warmth. We had to be in town by noon for lunch. High noon. The exact opposite of the midnight witching hour, the time of the day that all is supposed to be clear, though highlighted by the deep shadows cut by the sun straight above. And things were very clear today.
Even though The Princess had begun packing I had not even started. I didn’t have as much to pack as she had. She was moving across the country to begin her new life, I merely the vehicle that would get her there. I was to be on the road for a week, return to gather my belongings and begin my new journey to join her. I didn’t know how long she would be out there, but she knew enough to realize that what she didn’t take would be gone forever. I’m sure if we had finished packing the night before we wouldn’t feel so rushed, but we both wanted one more night out on the town before departing. One more “night to remember”. And that we did, we partied like rock stars. This spontaneous change would set the tone for the entire trip, as well as be the cause for our late departure.
After I had my coffee and morning smoke I began to pack my bag. A few t-shirts, under shirts, some socks and a pair of jeans. I also packed my cowboy boots. I find it interesting that in normal day to day I don’t often wear them, but for some reason, as soon as I cross the state line they go on my feet and stay there till I get home. I would also be flying home and well they are just plain easy. No steel toes to worry airport security, and they are easy to get on and off to be checked for prohibited items. So I had all I needed to last me a week on the road.
The Road. This journey was to be a short one for me. She and I would simply drive her truck to California, where I would then get on a plane out of LA. Short and sweet journey. Planned destination. At least that was the plan till we had lunch with her father. Pops pulled me aside and told me of the dreams and aspirations he had for his daughter, and living in California was not one of them. He suggested that we make a vacation out of it, see some of the country and take time on the road to fully realize the opportunities a that were available to us. At this time I had no job to return to and no real reason for staying in Fort Worth. I knew that following love was a dangerous decision, but I also knew that if I let it go, I would always wonder what would have become of us. So I took her fathers money and advice. I put the money in my pocket and finished loading the truck.
After loading the truck our decision to head east or west was made by the toss of a coin. Best two out a three sent us west. If all went as planned we would make our way to our originally intended destination in LA, and make the decision to stay or go. My small trip had been instantly changed into a grand road trip. The New American Dream. Living life on the open road. Following the wind and going up stream.
The new plan was simple. West Texas to say hello to her family, North to Denver to meet new friends, onward to Montana, to see an old friend of mine, west to Seattle to see old friends and make new ones and then down the coast to LA where our destiny awaited.
After several stops for last minute items, we began our journey at 8:45pm. Nearly 12 full hours after beginning preparations, and many, many hours later than intended. So much had changed this first day; only our imaginations could conjure what lay before us on that dark and desolate road. West into the sunset.
We were trying to make it to Odessa, TX the first night so she could visit family not seen in a while, but we did not make it. Due in part to our late departure and the late night partying, by 11 pm we were both exhausted and ready to rest for the night. We made it from Fort Worth all the way to the big town of Sweetwater. We managed to find a suitable seedy motel for the first night of our adventure, the Longhorn Motor lodge. In the dark, drab West Texas night we had found an oasis of lush green light. The entire motel was rimmed in green florescent lighting. Absolutely a site to behold. As we pulled into the drive all kinds of thoughts flashed thru my head. I saw bits of old movies, and the covers of long forgotten Pulp Fiction novels. I didn’t know if the man behind the counter would give me grief or not. I was afraid he might, given that the age difference between the Princess and I. Would he think that this was some late night rendezvous? That we had met in some backwater bar on the highway, and this was the only place we could go? Was I having an affair? Was she? I also had ideas about the man behind the counter, what would he look like? Would he be a skinny old man, who reeked of booze and cigarettes? Or would he be fat man in his forties, who had greasy hands and hair with sweat stain under his arms? I imagined it would be the later. I don’t know for sure, but at the time I never gave it any thought that it might be a woman. But true to our fantasies it was a man who was old, fat, and greasy. I don’t think he much cared why we were there. I think all he wanted was his money, his form to be filled out correctly, and to go back to his beer, or bed or both. Thru all of this I became more and more excited. The Princess and I had agreed that we would forgo the modern sleek corporate hotels in favor of small roadside motels. The ones that weary travelers might have sought out before the day of the super highways. Before modern conveniences had jaded people. A time before the Internet, a time when super highway meant four lanes and roadside attractions. The glory days of the automobile. And this is what we had found the first night and without even trying. I could barley wait to get to our room and discover what we had ourselves gotten into. I was not to be disappointed.
The room was small and well worn, the freshly made bed, was drooping from untold years of sleep, sex and what not. The carpet was trampled, mashed and worn. The curtains thick, and the lights bright. But the bathroom, the bathroom was absolutely beautiful. It was rose and pink tiles from floor to ceiling. It looked as though it was built in 1940, and it the door left closed till I opened it. Not one bit of wear was found. Then i found the note laying on the desk. "Please do not use hotel towels to clean mud, grease, oil, heavey makeup or blood. There are "rags" under the sink in the bathroom for such activites. If you need more than provided please contact the office." BLOOD!! holy shit, what have i gotten ourselves into?
While I fumbled with luggage, the TV and my cameras, the young woman had begun preparing herself for the upcoming adventures. I looked thru the tiny door opening from the bed, and there she stood. She was wearing a mans white undershirt, her breasts pushing at the seams. She wore tiny, well-worn cutoff jean shorts that accentuated her lovely hips and ass. If you looked closely you could see her ass thru the fringe. She was beautiful. Her black raven hair, pulled back tight out of her face, was in sharp contrast to the pink-rose tiles. She was slightly bent over, one leg in the sink, slowly and carefully shaving her legs. I grabbed my camera to capture this moment forever and to let a select few share a few minutes of my life with the princess. After taken a few pictures I lay in bed, and just watched. Soon she was done with her royal primping and came to join me on the bed. She soon peeled out of her tight clothes, crawled under the covers with me and we both drifted off to sleep. She fell asleep a few moments before me and gave me time to ponder what had become and what was to be.
This was the end of the first day of so many more to come. We had finally broken the bonds of home. Even though we had not made it far distance wise, we had succeeded in covering an enormous distance emotionally. For the very first time since we had met, there was no one else. Tonight we lived and died with, by and for each other.

spell check my dear, spell check and a good editor, you should really send me a copy so i can read it. ;)

nuthing else to say today. i did some revisions on the story. there seems to be some inconsitanceies when put together. that and i can't spell for shit.

What the heck are elephant shoes and what is that supposed to mean?
I don't feel to much like writing to today.

you're awake and i know it!

write something. entertain me

(elephant shoes)

set them free at the break of dawn til one by one they were gone

Last we left our superheros the had just checked into the Longhorn Motor Lodge in Sweetwater, Texas. the room was small and well worn, the bed freshly made, was drooping from untold years of sleep, sex and what not. the carpet was trampled, mashed and worn. the curtains thick, and the lights bright. But the bathroom, the bathrom was absolutly beatiful. It was rose and pink tiles from floor to ceiling. it looked as though it was built in 1940, and it the door left closed till i opened it. not one bit of wear was found.
while the I fumbled with luggage, the TV and my camaras, the young woman had begun preparing herself for the upcoming adventures. i looked thru the tiny door opening from the bed, and there she stood. she was wearing a mans white undershirt, her breasts pushing at the seams. she wore tiny, well worn cutoff jean shorts that acentuated her lovley hips and ass. if you looked closly you could see the ass thru the fringe. she was beatuiful. Her black raven hair, pulled back tight out of her face, was in sharp contrast to the pink-rose tiles. she was slightly bent over, one leg in the sink, slowly and carfully shaving her legs. I grabbed my camara to capture this momnet forever and to let a select few share a few minutes of my life with the princess. After taken a few pictures i laid in bed, and just watched. soon she was done with her royal primping and came to join me on the bed. She soon peeled out of her tight closes, crawled under the covers with me and we both drifted off to sleep. She fell alseep a few moments before me and gave me time to ponder what had become and what was to be.
This was the end of the first day of so many more to come. We had finally broken the bonds of home. Even though we had not made it far distance wise, we had succeeded in covering an enormaous distance emotionally. For the very first time since we had met, there was no one else. tonight we lived and died with, by and for each other.

you and i in a little a little toy shop, buy a bag of balloons with the money we brought..................

i'm hung over as hell today, slept till 1:30pm. and now i'm all shakey

HEY! i think you should get yo ass outta bed! entertain me or something!

It worked. hi! i'm trying to figure out how to let people leave comments. i know it can be done. but i can't figure it out yet. ok i found out how to do it, but it seems complicated right now.i'm gonna ask some questions and see what others are doing.

hi baby,
i hope this works.
queenie

well my chopper is leaving today. i sold it last week, and to taday the guy is coming to pick it up. i have mixed emotrions over this as well. i seem to have mixed emotion about everything. i am excited to sell the bike, but sad to see it go.

Queenie? hang in there. you know you have my support with what ever you do.

Short interlude. six hours and 4 trucks later teh divorce is final. i spent almost all day sunday emptying my shop at my ex-wifes house. it was a bitter sweet moment. it was nice to know that finally i have all my tools and equipment back and in my pocession, but it was also pretty sad because it was closeing another chapter in my life. i loved that shop. alot of good times took place there. alot of friend came and went. it gave birth to many an idea, and a few motorcycles. oh well. it was the not the shop of my dreams but it was pretty damn close. i will build anew on one day. it and it will be exactly what i want.

had a great party last night, though some people decided they would go to a show in dallas, rather that come to my party to celebrate Queenie's birthday. NOT GOOD. I am very pissed off about it right now.

We were trying to make it to Odessa, TX the first night so she could visit family not seen in a while, but we did not make it. Due in part to our late departure and the late night partying, by 11 pm we were both exhausted and ready to rest for the night. We made it from Fort Worth all the way to the big town of Sweetwater. We managed to find a suitable seedy motel for the first night of our adventure. The Longhorn Motor lodge. In the dark, drab West Texas night we had found an oasis of lush green light. The entire motel was rimmed in green florescent lighting. Absolutely a site to behold. As we pulled into the drive all kinds of thoughts flashed thru my head. I saw bits of old movies, and the covers of long forgotten Pulp Fiction novels. I didn’t know if the man behind the counter would give me grief or not. I was afraid he might, given that the age difference between the Princess and I. Would he think that this was some late night rendezvous? That we had met in some backwater bar on the highway, and this was the only place we could go? Was I having an affair? Was she? I also had ideas about the man behind the counter, what would he look like? Would he be a skinny old man, who reeked of booze and cigarettes? Or would he be fat man in his forties, who had greasy hands and hair with sweat stain under his arms? I imagined it would be the later. I don’t know for sure, but at the time I never gave it any thought that it might be a woman. But true to our fantasies it was a man who was old, fat, and greasy. I don’t think he much cared why we were there. I think all he wanted was his money, his form to be filled out correctly, and to go back to his beer, or bed or both. Thru all of this I became more and more excited. The Princess and I had agreed that we would forgo the modern sleek corporate hotels in favor of small roadside motels. The ones that weary travelers might have sought out before the day of the super highways. Before modern conveniences had jaded people. A time before the Internet, a time when super highway meant four lanes and roadside attractions. The glory days of the automobile. And this is what we had found the first night and without even trying. I could barley wait to get to our room and discover what we had ourselves gotten into. I was not to be disappointed.

my baby got her own blog
www.mermaidprincess.blogspot.com

Yeah!!!!

welli figured out what i was doing wrong, seems i was using a template that was out of order. even though i like the previous template, it was a bit pompous and i thinki like this better.

well i'm gonna try this again, we will see what happens.

BTW, Hi Queenie.

maybe i can be more attentive this time

well it's been along time since i came here.
here is another account of the trip. i'm hoping that in the next few days i can continue writing the account. i know that the longer i wait the more fuzzzy the details will be. and the more i'll fictionalize to make it a better read. but anyway here it goes.

5800 hundred miles to go, I want to be sedated……...

August 16th, 9:14am Saturday morning, the alarm blaring in my ear telling me it was time get going. We woke up late and had alot to do today. But, coffee first. Then find my smokes. Move slowly to the kitchen, and make coffee. Ah, sweet, sweet coffee, the stuff that fills your lungs with aroma, your mouth with flavor, and you body with warmth. We had to be in town by noon for lunch. High noon. The exact opposite of the midnight witching hour, the time of the day that all is supposed to be clear, though highlighted by the deep shadows cut by the sun straight above. And things were very clear today.
Even though The Princess had begun packing I had not even started. I didn’t have as much to pack as she had. She was moving across the country to begin her new life, I merely the vehicle that would get her there. I was to be on the road for a week, return to gather my belongings and begin my new journey to join her. I didn’t know how long she would be out there, but she knew enough to realize that what she didn’t take would be gone forever. I’m sure if we had finished packing the night before we wouldn’t feel so rushed, but we both wanted one more night out on the town before departing. One more “night to remember”. And that we did, we partied like rock stars. This spontaneous change would set the tone for the entire trip, as well as be the cause for our late departure.
After I had my coffee and morning smoke I began to pack my bag. A few t-shirts, under shirts, some socks and a pair of jeans. I also packed my cowboy boots. I find it interesting that in normal day to day I don’t often wear them, but for some reason, as soon as I cross the state line they go on my feet and stay there till I get home. I would also be flying home and well they are just plain easy. No steel toes to worry airport security, and they are easy to get on and off to be checked for prohibited items. So I had all I needed to last me a week on the road.
The Road. This journey was to be a short one for me. She and I would simply drive her truck to California, where I would then get on a plane out of LA. Short and sweet journey. Planned destination. At least that was the plan till we had lunch with her father. Pops pulled me aside and told me of the dreams and aspirations he had for his daughter, and living in California was not one of them. He suggested that we make a vacation out of it, see some of the country and take time on the road to fully realize the opportunities a that were available to us. At this time I had no job to return to and no real reason for staying in Fort Worth. I knew that following love was a dangerous decision, but I also knew that if I let it go, I would always wonder what would have become of us. So I took her fathers money and advice. I put the money in my pocket and finished loading the truck.
After loading the truck our decision to head east or west was made by the toss of a coin. Best two out a three sent us west. If all went as planned we would make our way to our originally intended destination in LA, and make the decision to stay or go. My small trip had been instantly changed into a grand road trip. The New American Dream. Living life on the open road. Following the wind and going up stream.
The new plan was simple. West Texas to say hello to her family, North to Denver to meet new friends, onward to Montana, to see an old friend of mine, west to Seattle to see old friends and make new ones and then down the coast to LA where our destiny awaited.
After several stops for last minute items, we began our journey at 8:45pm. Nearly 12 full hours after beginning preparations, and many, many hours later than intended. So much had changed this first day; only our imaginations could conjure what lay before us on that dark and desolate road. West into the sunset.

Well, i'm home. 5800 miles and 7 states later i'm home. we decided that she would live with me. we would take things one day at a time and see what happens. who knows for sure. i don't.
the trip
we left FTW,TX drove to sweetwater,TX. spent the night in some crappy little dive motel with green neon lites surrounding the whole building. beautiful rose and pink tiled bathroom. took some great pics. woke up around 10, and drove into Odessa, Tx. spent the day riding motorcycles after a grat BBQ lunch at the VFW. ended the day eating mexican food and listening to mariachi music at a local eatery. next morning drove to Amarillo, Tx. spent some time wandering around a target and barnes and noble. bought some books and headed onward into the sunset. stopped at Cadillic Ranch and took some photos. drove on into Raton Pass,NM. woke up the next morning and drove into denver. first stop in denver? a record shop to buy the new Bowling for Soup Cd for my gal.

i think i'm going insane. everythin i see or her reminds me of her. it's only been 6 hours since i saw her last and i'm missing her already. i don't know what i'm gonna do when she leaves. maybe i'm missing her now so it'll be easier when it comes for real? i don't know

well it's been along time. i'm gonna try to use this forum agin to get some stuff out. so bear with em if this is a little disconnected at first.