Well, i'm home. 5800 miles and 7 states later i'm home. we decided that she would live with me. we would take things one day at a time and see what happens. who knows for sure. i don't.
the trip
we left FTW,TX drove to sweetwater,TX. spent the night in some crappy little dive motel with green neon lites surrounding the whole building. beautiful rose and pink tiled bathroom. took some great pics. woke up around 10, and drove into Odessa, Tx. spent the day riding motorcycles after a grat BBQ lunch at the VFW. ended the day eating mexican food and listening to mariachi music at a local eatery. next morning drove to Amarillo, Tx. spent some time wandering around a target and barnes and noble. bought some books and headed onward into the sunset. stopped at Cadillic Ranch and took some photos. drove on into Raton Pass,NM. woke up the next morning and drove into denver. first stop in denver? a record shop to buy the new Bowling for Soup Cd for my gal.

i think i'm going insane. everythin i see or her reminds me of her. it's only been 6 hours since i saw her last and i'm missing her already. i don't know what i'm gonna do when she leaves. maybe i'm missing her now so it'll be easier when it comes for real? i don't know

well it's been along time. i'm gonna try to use this forum agin to get some stuff out. so bear with em if this is a little disconnected at first.

Patrick is heart-broken today. something is broken, but he can't figure it out. she came over last night and there was alot of tension between her am him. she didn't even kiss him. he had to kiss her, and when he did there was no spark anymore. he hadn't see her in almost a week, and it was just plain weird.

Patrick sat in his car outside her house, as he sat there, the clouds that been building all night begun to shed their rain on the earth. It began slowing building to a steady rhythm as he sat and stared out the windshield, wondering why he felt the way he did. He played with his zippo still warm from lighting his cigarette. As he exhaled, the smoke wrapped around him, and then drifted out of the window into the night.
Patrick was confused; he didn’t know what to feel. He wished that all this pain he was feeling would be washed away in the rain, or carried off into the night with the smoke. Where the pain was coming from was as big a mystery as was why he was sitting in front of her house wanting to leave. She was inside waiting for him to come to bed, a situation any man would jump at the chance to have. But still, here he was trying to figure it out. Trying to find something in his head that would explain how he felt. He was scared, he was happy. He was scared, cuz he didn’t know what was next. He was happy, cause it came from deep in side him, whenever she looked at him, whenever she touched him. When they kissed, waves of energy would wash over him, it was warm, and it almost tickled. He’d grin uncontrollably every time they kissed. Still he kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, she’d say, with a look in her eye, I need to tell you something. And it would be nothing, yet every time he heard that his heart sank. He knew some day it would come, and crush him. So he sat in his car, in the rain, waiting for something to happen. He not once ever reached for his keys to start the car. Maybe he was waiting for her to come running after him, maybe he was waiting for the hand of god to reach down from the heavens and poke him in the chest, and tell him to do something with his life. He didn’t know, so he sat in his car and smoked his cigarettes.
After a while, he got up, and went back inside, and walked to her bedroom. There, curled up with a blanket, she lay. So quiet, so peaceful. Did she know how he felt? Did she feel the same way? He looked at her in the pale light of her room, and she looked up at him and smiled. So he took off his shoes, laid his clothes on the floor beside hers, and slide into her bed. Taking her in his arms, he decided that right now, tonight, this is all that mattered at this moment in time. His head raced momentarily, then stopped. He closed his eyes, squeezed his girl in his arms and drifted off to sleep.
Patrick woke up early, but still lay in bed, his arms wrapped tightly around his girl. The moment quickly slipping by. Soon her alarm clock would go off and she would be gone. He layed there awhile in her bed after she left. He could still feel the warmth of the bed where she lay. He could still smell her on his skin and taste her on his lips. Her kiss lingering like warm shot of bourbon, sweet and full of aroma. When the bed began to cool, and he knew she was gone, he pulled his tired body from the bed, put on his crumpled clothes, gathered his things and went back out to his car. His car was much like him, but it wasn't even his car. It was a friends that he was driving while he fixed his old bike, but it suited him well. A little worn around the edges but still completely road worthy. It had a certain style that was hard to describe, but it did have style. As he started the car, he lit a cigarette, tuned in his favorite radio station, and then roared off down the road. His cigarette smoke mingling with the exhaust and blowing down the road on the melody of the radio.

what's up in your life, sugar plum? workin on the bike, workin at the bar?

well' i started bartending this weekend. i went up to the bar hoping to maybe do some grunt work on the new bar opening next door and brian the owner asked me if i could open up the wreck room for him. i made 30 dollars at a bar that was closed. then he called me on sunday to open again. i made 90 dollars. again with the bar officailly closed. and i split the tips with another guy.
i am very happy today, i love bartending. i like leaving the bar with more money than i walked in with. it felt good to be behind the bar finally. i got alot of compliments on my work too. the best one was " i like you behind the bar, the place feels good with you working"
yeah me!!!!

i realized that i have nuthing important to say today. i just wanted to take up some band width.

I'm honored that you asked me here, darlin'....and glad to hear that your day turned out to be unmuddled. Me? I slacked, all day. Did nothin', and it was good.

what a day for a day dream. had a wonderful day in spite of my tremndous hangover. cooked a wonderful meal. grilled chiken,fettuchini alfredo, fresh greenbeans, and bread. only had one beer today, i have had a very clear head all day. all kinds of random thoughts in my head

well after reading Nora' blog and being invited to join her, i thought i maight start one of my own. i don't know if i'll evr do anything with this ,but i thought i might like to have a place to share som stuff tt may or may not be appropriate anywhere eelse.

had a good night last night, at my freinds party. but today in the haze of likker fog i find myself lookinf or some things in my own head.
what has brought me here. why am i the way i am today. why have i chosen this particular uniform of acceptance. hell i don't know. i tried to drik a beer this morning/afternoon, because i know it would make me feel little better, but took one sip, and set it down on the table to get warm. went back to water.
i was talking with a freind this mornig about the wommen i have srounded my life with.


ahhh never mind...............