i'm gonna start changing his one around soon

Reluctantly crouched at the starting line,
Engines pumping and thumping in time.
The green light flashes, the flags goes up,
Churning and burning, they yern for the cup.

They deftly manouver and muscle for rank,
Fuel burning fast on an empty tank,
Wreckless and wild they pour thru the turns,
Their prowless is podent and secretly stern.

As they speed thru the finish the flags go down.
The fans get up, and get out of town.
The arena is empty except for one man,
Still driving and striving as fast as he can

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup,
But he's driving and striving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.

He's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
She's all alone, all alone in her time of need.

Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.
He's going the distance.

Yeah!

No trophy, no flowers, no flash bulbs, no wine.
He's haunted by something he cannot define.
Bowel shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse,
Assail him, impale him with monster truck force.
In his mind he's still driving, still making the grade.
She's hoping time that her memories will fade,
Cause he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's fighting and biting and riding on his horse.

The sun has gone down and the moon has come up,
And long ago somebody left with the cup.
But he's striving and driving and hugging the turns,
And thinking of someone for whom he still burns.

Cause he's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
She's all alone, all alone in her time of need.

Because he's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's figting and biting and riding on his horse,
He's racing and pacing and plotting the course,
He's figting and biting and riding on his horse!

He's going the distance.
He's going for speed.
He's going the distance...

i want a nice house. i watch HGTV constantly along with most current home makeover in a day/weeknd surprize/whileyouwerout/cribcrashed/youdidn't knowiwasgoingtoremakeourliving/bed/bathroom/kitchen. and now i must add monster house to the list. i really don't know why i watch these things but i do. i have from time to time implemented ideas i have seen on these shows into my house, but rarely i have the money or take the time to make the kitchy/crafty things.
i want a house with soft blue and grey walls, beige and green. i want a house that looks like a movie. i want to live the "good life". but i live in the barrio, and i rent. so i don't want to do anything to the house that i can't take with me or will cost too much. i am also reluctant to put money into a house that i know i will never get back. even if it was my own house, the neighborhood i live in will not bear the level of living i desire. concrete and stone,chrome and stainless steel, dark wood and plush upholstry. the neighborhood would accept the nice oak cabinets that my landlord installed, but not the cherry craftsman style with glass fronts i desire, or do i want maple?
i miss my old house terribly. i miss the feeling of the cold slate under my feet in the morning. the cool tile under my hand as i lean on the counter and peer out my window pondering the days upcoming activities. the warm, soft, well worn wood flooring in the living room. the soft green walls and linen curtains.
i miss living in a neighborhood that would appreciate the improvements i make to a home. not the neighborhood where gangster wannabes hang out across my street drinking 40's and wishing they were cool. (i wonder if they like Eminem?) i miss living in a respected and desireable neighborhood,instead of the established one i now reside. i may be painting a bleak picture of my surroundings. i live amongst hard working people. people who love their home and do the best they can. many of whom will never know monetary wealth, for whom everyday is a struggle to make a better life for themselves and their children. people like me. who are doing the best they can the best way they know how. good people. however they try the will never get beyond this barrio/barrier.
will i? i don't know. i yearn to break free, yet i can't seem to get far enough to even see what it is i'm trying to break away to.
i desire to have the pleasure of home ownership again.
for cool stone floors and warm inviting walls. a place to call home.

woke up quick, at about noon.............
well i didn't have to be in compton but my head was all stuffy and my nose was running pretty good. and well i knew i should take some medicine to make me feel better. so i got up and well i left the cold medicine in my truck, all i can say is damn was it bright this morning. damn near blinded me walking to my truck. oh well got the goods and now i'm back inside. i took the pills, but i'm not feeling as good as normal when i'm sick and take them.

as he entered the dark garage he confidently walked to his bike, zipping up his jacket and putting on his gloves. he swung one leg over the seat and fumbled with the key switch, it stuck from time to time and required a light touch to make it turn. once the ignition was turned on, he reached down and tickled each carburator to give a little extra gas for starting. reaching down with his right hand he pulled the kick starting pedal out with a reassuring click letting him know it was firmly locked into place. he picked up his heavy boot from the cool damp pavement below bringing it to rest on the kicker. in one fluid motion he twisted open the throttle and brought his weight to bear on the quiet engine. in the same instant the engine roared to life. while letting the bike gently warm he double checked his gloves and cinched his jacket a little tighter, adjusted his wieght on the machine, and slid his dark glasses down over his eyes. after returning the kicker pedal to its home postion, he moved the transmission into 1st gear. while letting the clutch out with one hand he began to accelerate with the other, out of the garage into the street and gone into the bright sunshine, the exhaust rising and falling with the shifting of gears, fading into the day.

that sucked you didn't get to dj, you even had ppl come out to see you...maybe this week?

i'm really bummed that i didn't get to Dj last night. not only did i go and buy a new CD player for last night, i had a great theme i my head. i was gonna try and do the whole night of bad women, or just songs about women in general. i was figuring on doing alot of country, oh well i guess i'll save it for another time. i just hope i'm in the mood when the next night comes around.

Last night I broke the seal on a Jim Beam decanter
That looks like Elvis
I soaked the label off a Flintstone Jelly Bean jar
I cleared us off a place on that one little table
that you left us
And pulled me up a big ole piece of floor

I pulled the head off Elvis
Filled Fred up to his pelvis
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
And so are you

'Round about 10 we all got to talking
'Bout Graceland, Bedrock and such
The conversation finally turned to women
But they said they didn't get around too much
Elvis said, "Find 'em young"
And Fred said "Old Fashioned girls are fun"
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
And so are you

Later on it finally hit me
That you wouldn't be 'a comin' home no more
'Cause this time I know you won't forgive me
Like all of them other times before
Then I broke Elvis' nose
Pouring the last drop from his toes
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
And so are you
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
Andso are you

Last night I broke the seal on a Jim Beam decanter
That looks like Elvis
I soaked the label off a Flintstone Jelly Bean jar.........

well not much is going on these days. just working and partying. went out last night and had a full blown panic attack. went out with the princess last night to Kareoke with her friends. all was to be well and good. but however i have not felt more outa place in along time. i just didn't belong there. i ended up haveing a horrible time, and on top of it i was paying outrageous drink prices. somewhere in there i began to feel insecure as well, and well my insecurities where fueled by feeling outa place. then bam next thing i know i'm having a panic/anxiety attack.

ok my dream last night/this morn was pretty weird. it was much like the Paris dream except this time i was supposed to be in Bagdad. allthought it did not look like bagdad, it looked like a old european city, with the exception of everythign being written in ariabic. there was skinny wet streets, and old grey buildings. everywhere i went there where american flags. and hand painted signs welcoming american troops. i remember going into a church, the church was massive, and brilliantly adorned. the odd thing about this church was in the front of the church was a several hundred year old piano. the odd thing was the piano, legs and all, was carved from a solid peice of marble. it was carved very romanesque, and we were told it took along time to get it to resonate like a wood one. then there more narrow streets and rain. for some reason my travling comapions and i had to get to a store onthe other side of town. nobody believed that i knew where i was going, but i proved them wrong when we finally arrived at our destination. from there we had to wind our way back across the city to a party. but i had to go to the hospital because my shoulder was hurting. when i got to see the doctor, he told me my shoulder hurt because i had been drinking and driving, then he told me he called the police to arrest me. i argued that he had no proof that i was drinking, he told me my hurt shoulder was proof enough.
then i woke up.

Last Cigarette - Dramarama (138 bpm, 4:25)
----------------------------------------------------------


Hey hey it's been so long since I have writhed with opinion
Oh its sharper than a sabor I don't feel like Earl Flinn
Got no computer I can't type the letter M
You know this song aint right I guess I better start again

Well I can tell this fellow is hungry got a dozen mouths to feed
He asks for money for a bus pass and my heart beats
I throw him a dollar is exactly what he needs to get another jug of thunder
But that not all he's asking for...

Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Ohhhhhhhowhoooooo ohwohwoahaohwhoooooo ahwohohhhooooo....

I know it's killing me, yeah I know its killing me
yeah I know its killing me, yeah i know I know I know I know I know I know..
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed

Shut up!

Its getting late you got to get the kitten fed
You got to kiss the little woman, put the children into bed
Check the sports and weather and a liven and a yeah yeah
You don't have to hear the headlines you can hear what Jonny Carson said

Oh mister sand man won't you listen to me please
I'm saying, I'll stay in bed but I'll pretend I'm on my knees and praying
One for my hunger and another for greenie..
Just forget about my end and all and give me what I need I need a

Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
ohoaowhaohwhoooo hwohaohwohoooo h howhwohooooo..........

I know its killing me, I know its killing me, I know its killing me
Yeah I know I know I know I know I know I know ....
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed
Last cigarette, last cigarette, last cigarette
One before I go to bed


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

this is still a little quirky for me. i'm not totally used to writing out my thought. usally my thoughts are just notes on scraps of paper just to figure out math or suplies that i need to get. but after reading my archives it seems that i have more to say than i thought i did.

my dog is a nut. sometimes i just don't understand him. maybe that's why i'm a human and not a dog.

not much going on these days. just plodding along. i think i may have taken too much time off work this month. it's been weird lately. it seems that every other month is good and every other month is bad. i'lll work for damn near a month starigh, then take some time off, then bamm i'm no longer caught up and then i gotta bust my ass to catch up. i guess one of these days i'll get around to better manging my time and money

so, i tried again for the umteenth time to start a FOD but alas this time it won't let me write in the damn thing. wel i guess i'll just stick to this one.

Cramp and Flamtrick Subs, nuf said!

nuthing to say today

well it's another wednesday. it's raining. i have been working on the house for close to a week. the landlord wants to inspect the property. i know i shouldn't be worried but for some reason i am. it may be a sub-conscience memory of military inspections. where everything had to be perfect. i'm worried that i'm supposed to have an outside dog, and i have an inside dog, because when i put him out, he gets out of the yard. i keep blocking his egress but he finds more. when i lock him in the house, he eats it. the house that is. so far i have replaced everysingle mini-blind int he entire house at least twice, some three or four times. on top of that the carpet is destroyed. my only saving grace was it was in poor condition when i moved in 1 1/2 years ago. my last worry is that i have a roomate i am not supposed to have.
i don't really know why i am worried. when i pay the rent, which i have been only late three times, twice my fault;for which i called everytime, i have paid the rent on time and in cash. i don't know why i am woried. he has been the most accomadating and helpful landlord i have ever had. besides whats he gonna do? give me demerits? make me work weekends?
an hour later
well everything went fine. he didn't even come past the living room hallway, and was complentary of my work to the hard wood floors. then we stood on the front porch and BS'ed for another 45mins. whew. i don't know why i even woried. the good thing is i made repairs to almost everything my dog has destroyed. and i now have a clean house to live in for the moment. i say moment because i know, if i don't keep on top of things, like i promise everytime i clean the house, that it will become the pigstie the i allow myself to live in.

so hows everybody today? i'm supposed to be going to work, but somehow i don't feel like it. it's supposed to be my day off, but instead i volenteered to assist with the remodel of the bar. but i take respite in knowing that it cannot be done with out me. oh well. i have alot of thoughts in my head, but unfortunatly most of these thoughts happen while driving so not only am i not able to post them, i'm not able to even record them in any way shape or form. oh well
i've been wanting to do some painting, but i never sem to make the time. i would'nt even know what to paint really. i have a few ideas, but a blank canvas is much like this blog. i have all these great ideas, but when push come to shove, i go blank. sometimes if i stare att he canvas long enough it tells me what it wants to be.
i'm looking forward to redoing the extra bedroom. maybe i can sqeeze my easel and table in a corner somewhere between a book shelf and the computer.

i was trying to write in my other blog, but dice IM'ed me and i lost it all. i almost deleted the whole post.